#golems don’t have emotions. They don’t mind doing things because they have no mind

[keferon]

Howdy!

I think your Monster Hunter AU is really cool and I wanted to know if you’d be cool if I tried to write something in the universe? (Specifically about Prowl haha, I saw him once and thought 👀 “man i wonder if tarantulas was in this au how spooky he’d be given he’s spooky enough in canon”)

Would also love to know your thoughts/if you had any of what Prowl could be up to, I know the au is Lost Light focused so I totally get it if you don’t have any/etc.

Hope you have a good day! Love your art!

Hoooo boy okay okay. Prowl.

He's a Golem created by Orion.

In mythology, Golems are essentially living statues made of clay mixed with blood and animated by magic. They are stupid and exist for primitive manual labor.

In my universe, a Golem is basically the same thing, but made of metal.

Orion assembled his golem from empty armor, parts stolen from the medbay, and his own energon. And then he went and got a Wisdom artifact and put it in the golem's head, because the rules strictly forbid giving golems internal organs like sparks or processors.

As a result, the golem was very light because it was essentially empty inside, so even when it moved it did so very quietly for a mech its size. Orion had been startled the first fifteen times the golem would appear completely silent beside him. On the sixteenth time, he called the golem Prowl.

Prowl is basically not a real mech. He has no spark, he has no need to eat or sleep. His only and primary task is to serve Orion. Thanks to the artifact, he is freakishly intelligent, not only compared to normal golems, but to normal mechs as well.

Orion keeps his origin a secret from everyone except Ratchet and Shockwave (because Shockwave was the one who taught him how to create golems), so all the mechs in the Order are convinced that Prowl is just Orion's very tedious assistant, not...you know...a walking puppet who has incredible intellectual abilities, but almost no emotions or conscience:)

[cerosin-bis]

God. Your Hans/Krueger stuff is just…. So delicious. I can taste the bitterness and lust from my phone screen. I do have a couple of questions for your visions of the characters that I don’t recall if you’ve answered from your head canons page if you don’t mind!

I know you’ve said that Hans/Krueger mostly fuck around because they can and they have history. Was it ever romantic? It seems like from Hans perspective he truly is sick with how much he cares for Krueger (or more likely, the past he has with him that he idealizes in a poor attempt at metaphorical ownership of the man,) and Krueger seems more or less nonchalant with the whole emotional situation (like playing into Hans fantasy of him gets him what he wants so he does it with reckless abandon.) Are they bitter exes? Is the love still there? Do either of them want or would ever go for reconciliation?

I also have to ask where Nikto fits into their dynamic, if at all. Your nikto fics, at least by virtue of being Krueger’s perspective for the one about the tattoo, seem to have a lot more emotional weight between the two. Is Hans bitter over this? Does Krueger prefer Nikto? Or is it more like he gets different kicks from them? Does Hans even know about Krueger and Nikto? Would he ever want to?

Sorry for all the questions but your writing is soooo good it’s inspired all sorts of follow ups in my brain. Please feel free to share any other tangential thoughts!!! I love the way you think. I want more of it :)

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK oh my god. You worded things so damn well. It'll be a pleasure to reply 🫡 Thank you so, so much about your kind words about my work. means a whole lot. ♥

The "short answer" is that in both those pairings, love exists, but as different words and concepts as a whole. In a "do not do this at home" way, Krueger/Golem is (post-reunion) love as temperance (moderation/restraint) and familiarity. Krueger/Nikto is love as violent devotion and codependency.

In both cases there's very reciprocal, genuine fondness, but it's under a lot of layers.

Long (very long. sorry. I am passionate about this.) answer under the cut. ⤵

I went over my vision of Krueger/Golem quite a bit in this post. To answer your question, yes, Hans is definitely bitter about caving in so easily for anything Krueger. Golem's tragedy is that he's very aware of it but he can't fight it, because two factors are at hand: his self-indulgence problem, and Krueger's natural tendency to get people in his grip (unstoppable force teaming up with the immovable object against Hans, if you will). But like I said in the post I linked, Krueger is attached. In his own Krueger way, but the familiarity between them is comfortable to him in a way he knows he can't find anywhere else.

Hans gets a very special treatment: Krueger does not push his boundaries. Anything Hans does regarding the Sebastian subject is ultimately motivated by his own will. He knows he can, so he takes and he'll tell you that's his problem only. Truth is, it plays a big part, but Krueger still wants him → which is why he doesn't let go either, and which leads to him constantly worming his way into Hans' life, for said man's greatest dismay... and pleasure.

You worded it really REALLY well: Krueger does play into Hans' fantasies because it's fun and it gets them what they both want, and that includes giving Hans this superficial "control" over his own actions by leading the way to things (as opposed to directly provoking them). Ultimately, both get the best of both worlds: Golem has sobered off from their initial "breakup" so this suits him - he does not want it to be an actual relationship. It's a loose friends with benefits thing, he's work-focused, and knows how Krueger works now: there's no unsaid things, no actual bounds: he's at peace.

As a comparison, Krueger will push Nikto's boundaries to feed more and more into their violent codependency, and because this is also what Nikto himself seeks from what they have.

So yes, Sebastian does get different kicks from Golem and Nikto. Which is exactly why he doesn't have an actual favourite. He needs both for his enrichment (physically and mentally, I can't say emotionally because I headcanon that Krueger has psychopathic traits and does not get attached (or bothered) like a normal human being would. but these two are the highest on the list of people sebastian krueger Likes).

Nikto is like. There's no one (ha) like him in the world. In a sick way, Krueger enjoys seeing him at his best, at his worst, being able to - perhaps being the only one able to read and handle him so well; while Nikto finds in this both an anchor and an outlet. Krueger and Nikto become insanely fusional because they're both obsessed with the other due to their sick traits and know they won't find it anywhere else. They're two dogs that will attempt to maul each other to death and then sleep peacefully on each other with their muzzles still bloody, because they are fond of each other. rinse and repeat.

Golem loosely knows about Krueger and Nikto, but he isn't really bothered or jealous. If anything, he gets an ego boost from it: Krueger messes around with Nikto on the regular, they both practically live in each other's skin, yet Sebastian still semi-regularly comes back to him? Yeah, he's got a special treatment. And he loves it.

[anewstartrekfan]

Finished Star Trek TAS today and I got contemplative about the science fiction genre in movies and tv

For the record, tas was fine overall. You know it’s fun to laugh at the animation errors I did plenty of that. But it’s decent 70s kids fair. I wouldn’t put it on for kids today mind you, I’d just show Star Trek prodigy, but still. It very much is a product of its time. However at the same time it demonstrates the biggest hurdle sci fi has faced throughout the ages. The obsession with scale over characters.

There’s a tendency in sci fi where when the people working on a given story get seemingly unlimited resources to make a thing look as epic and grand of scale as possible, they focus on that over making the characters interesting and worth caring about. Not always, but generally it happens a lot. You see it with the big three, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doctor Who. To pick on Doctor who for a minute, they pour buckets of money on explosions and guest stars and having a golem Doctor show up in their season 3 grand finale but the episode that season that’s regarded as peak fiction is the one where the monsters don’t even move on screen. They’re literally just statues.

Star Wars has both the prequel and and sequel trilogies for me to point to as evidence of this. For the prequels it was look at our awesome special effects and fight scenes. Oh shit we forgot make the overarching story understandable and matter to the cast before the third movie. And the case of the sequels also have consistent character development and themes. Oops.”

And lastly Star Trek. While my favorite episode is conscience of the king, my second is the empath. The most cash strapped episode of the show. It was filmed almost entirely on a black stage ffs. And yet I felt more emotion watching Kirk, Spock, and McCoy risk their lives and be willing to die for each other than I did watching agent seven and his cat hack a spaceship in 1968 Florida while Kirk and Spock stalk them.

The reason completing tas brought on this thought process was there were many writers who jumped at the chance to work on this show because of the lack of limitations of live action. Their only limit was their imagination and the 24 minute runtime. And as a result they got so caught up in the spectacle of “look at this cool new alien threat/concept,” that most of the time they forgot or didn’t have time to give the characters anything to do besides solve the problem. Or just rehash old episode ideas. But listen, they could’ve had good character interactions within 24 minutes. Doctor who is the easy one to point at but honestly if we jump forward a couple decades, (and genres) Batman and Superman tas managed to have self contained 20ish minute episodes with heart for the recurring cast. It’s not impossible to do.

Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Star Wars, were not successful just because they had cool sci fi ideas, costumes, and special effects that could be merchandised into eternity. They have endured for so long because people are invested in these characters. And if you cannot convince people to care about the characters outside of pop culture recognizability, then you will not retain an audience through the weaker stories, regardless of how much money you sank into how nice the ship looks. Instead it is doomed to fizzle out. For a contemporary example outside of movies, look at Netflix’s Voltron.

Last example and then I’m done. Netflix’s voltron perfectly displayed how you can get an audience invested in a cast of characters and then squander it because the producers/writers didn’t care about character development. After season 2 stuff stopped being character driven and started going “well the writers wanted to tell a gritty, depressing war story.” And in the end what was once one of the most popular Netflix shows is now only ever discussed in the same vain as game of thrones. Just wasted potential and missed opportunities.

I’ll end this rambling blog by repeating that imo low budget character driven sci fi is better than high budget sci fi focused on worldbuilding and cool shit you can do because of special effects or the fact it’s a cartoon. Limitations help make some of the best stories out there because they force you to think outside the box.

And it pains me that after so long a lot of the people who write this stuff don’t get that.

[0carkki0]

Sexuality

I know my ‘art’ tends to be suggestive. Sometimes a bit more in forward way. But even I have limits in that area. I for example like to make my characters believable in sexual way. Like what exactly might different species find attractive. I really like how ArenaNet didn’t for example give the charr females human-like breasts. Though, I’d imagine them to have six nips, that are covered in fur. And with clothes as well. Same with asura. Well... except instead of having six nips, they have two, very close to their own skin color -nips. ^^; 

Sylvari don’t really care about appearances, and if they do, they lean more to the looking pretty than sexy. Of course exceptions exist. But... exception proves the rule, since often there are more of those that go by the rule than those that are exceptions. 

With norn it’s mostly about spiritual and/or physical strength, I’d imagine. Therefore they probably appreciate muscular bodies. And bigness.

Charr are more about those beastly features. Meaner looking, the better. 

Asura are more about the mind, than physical strength or beauty. Or if it is about appearance, it’s usually those with bigger ears and those whose brains look very big. I also would think that skinnier the asura, more of an impression they’d give that they have at least golems to work for them. Do all the physical work. 

Which would make Vivs in his Personal Story to Heart of Thorns -story seem like that, because back then he was actually skinny. The war against Elder Dragon Corruption gave him some muscles, since he barely ever used golems to help him. Then again, as a necromancer, he did have his minions. But like I said, he was skinny till he began to turn into the Reaper in Heart of Thorns. Season 3 he was already a full fledged Reaper and already showed some muscles on him. Waving a greatsword around and running around fighting off all those creatures in the jungle... 

It was in Path of Fire when he started to pay attention more to his appearance, simply because his parasite minion died and didn’t give him that satisfaction that kept his split mind’s psycho side in control. He had to start attract more people. The reputation of the Commander did help some, but looking attractive would boost that even further. So he started to actually work out, since he figured that overall a lot of people would find that attractive. 

I also wanted to give him big man boobs, because he is an asura. A race known not to have boobs. He is a male, the gender that usually don’t have boobs. It’s kind of ironic. And it does look good to me personally. ^^ Though, norn -kind of muscles just goes over the top to me. 

Vivs would not understand why would the asura want to have norn and human female -like boobs. It just doesn’t make sense to him, except if they themselves just simply find it attractive. Which they don’t to him. Nor they look ugly to him either. 

Vivs, as an asura still is all about the mind, even if he has very high libido and a lot of stamina to boost that up. Everything, even emotions come from the brains, even if we often hold our left chest when talking about feelings, since those emotions do get that kind of pressure in there at times, when we feel strong emotions. Emotions are part of normal beings. Having emotional intelligence and lacking ability of feelings are two different things. Lacking emotions to Vivs means that these beings are also lacking in brain activity.

Emotional intelligence however tells about more advanced evolution of brains. This doesn’t mean the mind that doesn’t have that good of control of emotions is stupid, but isn’t that evolved in emotional intelligence. 

Also, there is a difference between relaxed and flexed muscles. Most of the times the guys are drawn like they are constantly flexing. - w -; 

Anyway, all that said, Vivs would be studying his own mind, since he finds it fascinating, that his psycho side lacks emotions, while his caring side feels them very strongly. But that would mean that he’d have to let out his psycho side, but the problem is tha the psycho side probably would not cooperate. Not to mention his desire to cause pain and suffering. 

Saying Vivs is a bisexual is kind of true, except he doesn’t get turned on by appearances, but more like by mind traits. He is more of a pansexual. Of course less you wear clothes, more easily your brains can sense a simple light touch. 

For example, let’s say you have a an armor that has a bare back. You have any idea how badly Vivs would like to slide his finger up your back? ^^ 

Also, if I remember correctly, when people were complaining about the male asura faces looking too old, I remember devs responding with that the asura normally look sick and tired, since they tend to spend a lot of time in their labs inventing. Probably even not sleeping for long periods of time. Breathing in whatever chemicals they are dealing with.

But still, asura can look young, yet sick? Comparing to other species faces, they do look old. With charr the difference between old and young isn’t so obvious. > . >

[xenofact]

Gods, Demons, Spirits, Words

As an esotericist, I end up inevitably contemplating or discussing gods, demons, and spirits.  This creates another inevitability - the question “are they real” which is a great way to spend an evening, end relationships, or both at the same time!

On this subject, I eventually came to a conclusion I’d like to discuss.

I don’t question if gods, demons and spirits are real because of the aforementioned lost evenings and lost relationship. I’ve decided question is better phrased “are the concepts of gods, demons, and spirits useful.”  I’m sure other people have come to the same conclusion, but I figured I’d give my take since it might spawn useful discussions.

The idea of gods, spirits, and demons is that there are great living Powers in the world or Powers that we might as well treat as lifelike.  By recognizing them we may understand them and interact with them more effectively and safely - be it in ritual magic or just navigating through life.

For instance, I realized Facebook is a god (or perhaps a demon) even in the most materialist sense..  It grows and changes, adapts and adjusts, it’s in our minds and influencing our behavior.  It’s very much like a living thing, though one I’m keeping a wary eye on.  We just happened to make it, though perhaps some of us may wonder if it’s a mask on something else.

Seeing a corporation as a god or spirit, a living being, helps me think about and interact with such organizations.  These are not simple organizational flowcharts and bank accounts - they are living (or lifelike) things that very much affect us.  It’s also a reminder to be careful making or calling forth these organizational egregores and golems made of money.

I can also look at our planet - where I stray reluctantly into the Gaia hypothesis, albeit the less convoluted take.    Our planet is as complicated as a living being.  We might not treat it as a conscious being (though as we thinking beings are part of it . . .) but it is complex and organic.  Realizing you’re in a big natural system - a god or spirit - is a way to survive and prosper, though I have to admit I’ll take survive these days.

Yes, I feel sort of naive and plastic-packaged-New-Agey saying this, but referring to Earth as a godlike being is a reminder that life here is a complex situation.  A bit more “this-is-a-big-system-we-can-see-as-alive” and less “well that summer was surprisingly rainy” would be good for us.

I can also slide into psychology and talk about archetypes, those great patterns and emotions and interpretations hardwired into our minds..  Our myths could be seen as dressing up those deep elements and experiences to better understand them.  The thing is they have very real effects.

Language is a real vital force in our life - and we have stories of language-gods like Thoth and Seshat.  Love is part of our lives and we have stories of Freya and Venus.  The archetype view reminds us stories aside, there are forces in all of us, driving us.  In short, gods, spirits, and demons - hardwired into us by evolution.

Finally, I can get supernatural  Many of us reading have had Those Experiences where things get wider and strange, where Someone Reached Back or Out.  Some of us have been there, and the hardest belief or most scalpel-like skepticism doesn’t change that.

I’ve had such experiences.   Somehow it never makes you feel special, does it?  But it does make you think “yes, there IS something to the idea of gods, spirits, and demons,” sometimes while you’re lying in bed trying to process whatever the hell just happened.

I walked through several “explanations” for gods, spirits, and demons to show that the concepts are useful for each.  Do I think any above are The Explanation?  I just used this to illustrate my thoughts. - and I haven’t touched on Neoplatonism, hauntings, etc.  In fact I think all of the above are true to an extent and then some.

No matter one or many explanations, we are in a world of great Powers.  The idea of gods, spirits, and demons give us tools to recognize this, deal with it, be part of it, or defend ourselves when necessary.  If nothing else we need to recognize something very big may fuck with us and kill us.  I take a more benevolent view, but I also want these terms just to keep an eye out if you know what I mean.

Perhaps terms like god, demon, or spirit are archaic and I would agree!.  These words are terms of old, heavy with baggage and carrying the additional burden of multiple interpretations people fight over.  I’d love some new, friendly, usable words.  But until we have better ones - and perhaps we do and just don’t use them - they’re what we have now.

Might as well use the tools we’ve got in this wild, mysterious, complex world we’re in.

Xenofact

[helliontherapscallion]

sibling hybrid!creeper reader headcannons/one-shot for SBI ( + ranboo? 🧍‍♀️ ) hurt/comfort. like maybe the reader struggles with emotions and doesn't know how to deal w/ them healthily, so they end up bottling them up and kinda explode at times.

sorry if this is too specific, i just really like your writing :) congrats on 1k!! <3

and one last thing,.. can i be 🫂 anon?

(A/N): I had a lot of fun with this one, and thank you : ) I hope you don’t mind that I added Tubbo. Also one more thing, I imagine the explosion is kinda like a Bakugou situation but uncontrollable

Warnings: anti-hybrid rhetoric/slurs (speciesism???), swearing, blood (not much, just mentions of a nose bleed)

It was completely an accident this time, it all just came so fast. You were standing in front of a store window when you felt something rub against your leg. When you looked down, panic engulfed your entire being when you saw an orange cat rubbing and nuzzling against your leg, letting out deep purrs. You had no clue why this cat wasn’t chasing you like all other cats usually did, but you didn’t want to ponder. You felt the familiar pressure building up inside of you as a startled hiss left your mouth and you jumped away from the creature. Your skin was sparking and popping as your freckles lit up in a glowing green light. 

Finally, explosions left your skin as the glass shattered next to you and gravel was turned up and thrown about. You fell to your knees and rubbed at your burning eyes and wiped the blood from your nose. Exploding like that had always taken a lot out of you and made your nose bleed. You suspected that it was because of the sudden build up and release of pressure and energy. 

The back of your shirt was grabbed and you were yanked off from the ground. There staring at you was the owner of the shop that you accidentally blew up. His green eyes were ablaze as he gritted his teeth and looked into your eyes.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?! You blew up my window!”

Small hisses left your mouth, “I-I’m sorry sir I swear I didn’t mean t-”

“Like hell you didn’t! Your kind always destroys everything!”

You stopped struggling and narrowed your eyes at him, “my kind?”

“Yes, hybrids! Filthy mutts, all you do is destroy! You’re a bunch of freaks.”

You could feel another explosion coming about and this time you did not even attempt to hold this one back. You stared him dead in the eyes with the harshest glare you could muster. As soon as the hisses started to leave your mouth and the freckles once again glowed green, the man’s eyes widened before he threw you into the street away from the building. Another explosion left you and disassembled the neat cobblestone of the road. A single stone flew and shattered what was left of the store window. Another flew and hit the store owner in the head knocking him out. 

And here you were now; hisses left your mouth as you ran down the beaten path of the village towards the exit. The iron golem following you was hot on your tail, it’s booming footsteps picking up dust clouds from the gravel. Villagers around you scattered and started to whisper fearfully amongst themselves. You could feel their fearful and angry stares burning holes through you. After you got out of the village and the iron golem was still chasing you, you ducked into the forest where you knew it wouldn’t follow you. You climbed up a tree and watched as the golem angrily smacked the foliage out of the way before it gave up and hobbled back into the village. 

You dragged your feet tiredly back home, wanting nothing more than to collapse in your bed. Your senses were on overdrive as you were hyper aware of everything around you. You’ve never exploded twice within the span of ten minutes before, and it wore you out. Small exhausted hisses left your mouth as you trudged along the path. 

After getting home you walked past a confused and concerned Wilbur, dodging his hands that were trying to grab you so he could get a better look at you. You walked up the stairs ignoring his questions and walked past Tommy.

“Hey sparky, what’s got you lookin like shit?” He asked you before he started to laugh to himself at the nickname he knew you hated. You winced at the volume of his voice before you hissed angrily and stomped off into your room before you passed out immediately in your bed the second you threw yourself onto it. 

You didn’t wake up until a hand shook you awake firmly. You peeled open your eyes to see Tommy hovering over you looking slightly scared. When you fully opened your eyes, he sighed in relief.

“Oh my fucking Ender, I thought you died for a second.”

You only groaned and covered your head with the covers trying to block out the morning light streaming into your room and Tommy’s voice. He shook you more, your entire bed shaking with it. “Get up. Dad wants you downstairs for breakfast cuz you skipped lunch and dinner.”

You said nothing as he ripped the covers off from you eventually and pulled you out of your bed. You landed on the floor with a thump and hissed a little in frustration. You stood up and pushed him out of your room and slammed the door behind him. The locked door handle jimmied before it stopped and everything was silent. You prayed that he went away, but alas he didn’t. You rubbed your forehead when he started to knock at your door in multiples of two.

Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock kno-

“I’ll be down in a minute fuckface. I’m gonna get dressed.”

“If you aren’t down in five minutes I’m getting Techno. He’ll carry your ass down.”

Downstairs, you shambled into the kitchen past the table and poured yourself a cup of coffee. Your family silently watched you before the conversation started back up again. You plopped down next to Wilbur and sipped at your coffee deliriously. He eyed you in concern, “you okay?” You hummed and poked at your eggs. You didn’t feel hungry at all. “You su-”

“Yes, I’m sure Wilbur.” You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and returned to your coffee. After your fourth cup of coffee you were cut off by a concerned Philza. Even after four cups of coffee, you still felt slightly physically drained and it showed in your sluggish movements. Your day went by with you holding in your frustration and anger from everybody constantly asking if you were okay. Days of holding in explosions passed with them finally leaving you alone. However, that did nothing to alleviate your bottled up frustrations.

Techno was sitting on the couch reading a book while Wilbur was sitting in the chair across the room trying to find the lyrics of his next song. Philza was in the kitchen doing who knows what. You were currently walking up to Tommy’s room to say hi to your old friends Tubbo and Ranboo after getting home from a trip to another village. 

That trip was rough for you but not as rough as the one a few days prior; you could only stand so much fear filled and hateful staring after all. Your creeper features consisting of pitch black irises and dark gray sclera, a mop of dark green hair, and green freckles sprayed randomly across your skin was definitely an attention grabber for anyone. A few of the kids even threw rotten tomatoes and stones at you, it was so hard holding in explosions by the time you left that you just felt very overwhelmed. Hanging out around the self proclaimed ‘bench trio’ always enough to calm you down from a rough day. Mellohi’s muffled relaxed beat makes the corners of your lips twitch into a small smile. 

However just as you opened the door to Tommy’s room, you could hear their conversation end. “Hey guys, how’re-”

A yelp left your throat as something very cold drenched your body. An iron bucket came tumbling down and hit your head before falling to the floor with a clank. The pressure that has been building up in your chest increased tenfold, but you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to walk to your room for a change of clothes. Behind you, you heard Tommy laughing hysterically while Tubbo tried to apologize between his own laughter. You didn’t even have to look at Ranboo to know that he was guiltily fiddling with his sleeves as his tail flicked back and forth sharply. 

After you went into your room, you grabbed your pillow and screamed as loud as you could into it to blow off some steam. After that didn’t work, you tried punching the pillow relentlessly but that didn’t work. You could still feel pressure and energy inside your chest lingering and threatening to burst. 

You sighed and made your way downstairs walking past Tommy’s door. You could now hear Ranboo laughing with them, and that just made you even more angry than you were before. 

Everything around you was pissing you off. Philza’s wings fluttering behind him subconsciously, Technoblade’s little ‘heh’’s as he read something that caught him off guard in his book, Wilbur’s humming and mumbling to himself as he composed his next song, Tommy’s, Ranboo’s, and Tubbo’s loud laughter echoing from Tommy’s room. Every little sound was enough to send you over the edge. Just as you were about to leave the house to calm down again, a knock sounded at the door.

Philza gently pushed you behind him with furrowed brows and a hand on the sword hung around his hip. Techno’s book snapped shut as he stood up to grab his axe while Wilbur walked over to you and put a protective hand on your shoulder. You understood why they were cautious; you didn’t normally get visitors and the last time the house did, it was someone that decided to try and attack Technoblade on sight when he opened the door screaming about how hybrids aren’t natural. Keyword: tried. Techno absolutely would’ve killed him if it wasn’t for Philza holding him back. 

You felt anxiety creep up inside you as you fought against the small hisses trying to escape your mouth. The door opened slowly to reveal the store owner from a few days ago. His eyes hardened when he saw the wings sprouting from Philza’s back before his eyes flicked to you. He did not look happy to see you behind your dad’s massive wings. Without another word, you turned and ran up to your room when you felt the pressure become almost unbearable. 

You ran past Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo who were leaving Tommy’s room with hesitance. You didn’t respond when they tried to stop you. Slamming your door closed, you sat on your bed with your head clutched in your hands desperately trying to fight against the pressure building up. Small pops sounded on your skin as you grit your teeth in concentration. You could hear knocking at your door, thank god you locked it behind you. You had no idea how long you were sitting there trying to hold it back.

When the pressure became too much and you felt yourself losing grip on your control, you knew you needed to get out of the house as soon as possible. This was going to be a huge explosion, probably the biggest one you were going to do. The loud continuous hiss that left your throat was something you weren’t actively doing, another telltale sign that you were about to explode. You ripped open the door, pulled yourself from Tommy’s grasp, and ran as fast as you could downstairs. Philza followed you with a furious expression when he saw you, the store owner seemingly having left. 

“(Y/n), what in the hell did you do?” He grabbed your arm and pulled you to the living room. You tried your hardest to pull out of his grasp, but he was holding on too tight. The hissing had gotten slightly louder, but you moved a hand up to your mouth to try and muffle it. He sat you down on the couch and started pacing in front of you, his feathers puffed up angrily. Wilbur and Techno were eyeing you warily from across the room. 

“What were you thinking, blowing up his store like that? Were you even thinking? Cuz that was stupid (y/n). Hybrids get enough bad rap, and you go and pull this?!”

“Dad-”

“Not now Wilbur. As I was saying, you could’ve killed someone! What would you do then-”

“Dad,” Techno’s assertive tone stopped Philza in his tracks as he ran a hand down his face. “What could you possibly want right now, boys?”

“(Y/n)’s gonna explode soon.” Wilbur hurried over to you and helped you up. You could hear the three younger boys’ steps thundering down the stairs. By now, you were visibly shaking and sweating with the effort of holding explosions back. You could see the glowing of your freckles through the reflection of Wilbur’s glasses. 

“Shit,” Philza sounded panicked in that moment as Wilbur ushered you out of the house and into the forest. You pushed him away and stumbled your way deeper into the forest. You heard them attempting to follow you, but you gestured for them to get back. You had no idea how big this one was going to be, but it was definitely going to be large. 

You ran deeper into the forest until you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Leaning against a tree, you finally let yourself explode. This one was painful; your skin burned with every pop that emanated from your freckles, the burning making your free nerve endings scream at you. The last thing you saw was a wave of dirt splashing up before you blacked out. 

You were in and out of consciousness for the next week or so. Whenever you would wake up slightly, it would only be for a couple moments before you would pass out again. It was in those moments that the pain and the lack of energy hit you at full force. You supposed being unconscious was better than the mental and physical fog and the pain. 

By the time you fully woke up, your senses were slightly hyperactive, but nowhere near how you felt when you blew up that store. You reached up with a heavy hand to wipe at your crusty eyes before you heard rustling next to you. You looked over to see Philza standing at the door with a glass of water in his hand. When he saw that you were awake, he rushed to your side and helped you sit up. You took the water gratefully and drank it, the liquid refreshed your dry throat. 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“Tired and a little sore. How long was I out for?”

“About a week, you really worried us. That was a really big one. Do you know why it was so big?”

You nodded and looked down at the water in your hands, swirling it around the glass. You didn’t want to tell him about feeling angry and overwhelmed at every little thing around you the past few days. You felt guilty at that, they were just trying to live their lives while you were cursing them for merely existing. A finger under your chin made you look up at Philza. His eyes were full of gentleness and empathy, “c’mon, you can tell me. I want to help you.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Start wherever you feel comfortable. Take as much time as you need.” He sat on the edge of your bed and looked around your room while he waited. You took a second to gather your thoughts before you took a deep breath. Philza perked up and diverted his full attention to you. 

“It started when I first blew up that guy’s store. I swear it was an accident that time, a cat snuck up on me and rubbed on me,” you shuddered, small hisses leaving your mouth. “The guy came out and picked me up by my shirt. He called us some names so I kinda got mad and blew up on purpose.”

“‘Us’?”

You nodded, “hybrids. He said that ‘our kind’ destroys everything.” You glared at the glass in your hands, hissing in contempt and watching the freckles dully glow green. “He called us ‘filthy mutts’ and freaks, Dad.” Philza looked slightly peeved at the name calling, “still, you shouldn’t’ve blown up on him. You could’ve killed him, (y/n).”

“So you’re saying that it’s okay for him to call us slurs? Should we just let people slander us?” You narrowed your eyes at him. He shook his head, his medium length blond hair swaying with the movement. “Hell no, I’m not saying that at all. You should never let someone call you things, but violence is never the answer.”

You huffed, crossing your arms, “frankly, he deserved what was coming to him. I just wish he didn’t throw me before I could blow up.” 

“Hold on, he fucking threw you?” You nodded and watched his eyes darken and anger flash across his face, “violence is sometimes the answer then. Did he hurt you?” 

“No, but I just felt so… so drained. But so overwhelmed at the same time. I’ve never exploded twice in the same day before.”

He hummed in realization, “so that’s why you slept through most of the day. Sorry, go on.”

“After Tommy woke me up everything just felt worse. It was like everything around me was amplified. It was hell, the last few days I was just hyper aware of everything and it was pissing me off. Every little thing drove me crazy, I could feel myself getting closer and closer to exploding but I held it back until I couldn’t anymore.” 

“(Y/n), you know that’s not healthy… I talked to Sam, you remember right?” You shook your head, “well, he was an old friend of Wilbur’s. He used to come here all the time before he had to move away. He’s a creeper hybrid like you,” he chuckled when you perked up, “he gave me some advice on your anatomy when you were growing up. Anyways, he told me that sensory overload is common when you explode. He said that it’s normal to feel drained afterwards and to definitely get plenty of sleep. The sensory issues apparently get worse if your rest is interrupted, so that was probably why you felt overwhelmed in the past few days… He also told me that it really isn’t healthy to explode more than once a day or to hold it in for longer than necessary. Please just come to me if you’re feeling overwhelmed again or if you need to rest after exploding. I can even build you an obsidian building where you could go and not blow up anything.”

“...I’d like that. What- what else did he tell you?” Philza chuckled and started to tell you more about what Sam told him about his anatomy. He even gave you Sam’s comms contact so you could contact him if you had any questions or wanted some advice. He was a nice man when you talked to him, always having an answer for your questions. You even found old pictures of you as a baby following him around. Apparently you could tell that he was part creeper; wherever he was in the house, you were bound to be near him.

The rest of the day, you hung out with the rest of your family and the bench trio. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno wasn’t one for open affection, being the type to give you little trinkets and giving you suggestions on what to read next. Every time you woke up, you would find small objects ranging from gold to emeralds and books on your nightstand. He would vehemently deny being the one that gave you the items, but you and the rest of the family knew better. Sometimes, he would drop into your room to ask you what you thought of the book and have a thorough discussion about it with you while you were recovering. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You leaned against Wilbur’s side with his arm wrapped around you. The hand that was around you was rubbing circles into your shoulder. After he scolded you for bottling up your emotions, he climbed into your bed and pulled you to his side. Small hums left his throat. 

“(Y/n)?” You hummed, your eyes half lidded and almost about to fall asleep. “Would you mind if I wrote a song about you? It would fit with the next album’s theme.” 

“Knock yourself out.” Your words were slightly slurred as you nuzzled closer to him. He laughed a bit, the sound being muffled and reverberating his chest. “Get some sleep. I’ll brainstorm some ideas to run by you before you wake up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hanging out with the self proclaimed ‘bench trio’ was always fun, even if you were on strict orders to stay in bed by Dadza. Nobody argues with a concerned Dadza, but they found other ways to hang out with you. Tommy had moved his jukebox into your room and was playing cat, the music soothing you immensely and putting an end to your worries. However, what didn’t soothe you was the card game in front of you. 

You were watching in horror as everybody put down a plus two card stacking the amount the victim would have to draw. So far, the plus two streak had already gone around the circle once and is now going around once more. It was nearing your turn and it was with great horror that you realized you didn’t have a color changing card or a plus two card. The two cards in your hand felt heavy as you watched Ranboo pull out another card.

“Please Ranboo, I’ll do anything. Don’t put that card down.” You watched as his ears twitched before he smiled innocently at you, putting the card down and laughing at you when you started the long process of drawing fourteen cards and sorting them. 

“Sorry, my hand slipped.”

“Get fucked (y/n)!” Tommy cackled at you. You flipped him off before you went back to sorting the cards. Tubbo put down a plus four color changing card and smiled at Tommy. 

“Sorry Tommy, but uno and the color is now red!”

“Goddamnit Tubbo! That’s the one color I don’t have,” he grumbled and drew four cards. Ranboo smiled triumphantly and put down his last card before showing you his empty hands. “What?! You didn’t even say uno!” You eyed his smug smile with disbelief. 

“You guys didn’t call me on it though.”

“That’s not the rules, Ranboo! You have to say uno!” Tommy argued. Long story short, the rules had to be looked up and the family had to be consulted before your group came to the conclusion that you in fact do not have to call out uno and the other players could call them out on it. Eventually after a few tense games, the three were sitting on your bed. Ranboo had some difficulty with it due to his height, but he managed with his legs crossed. 

“(Y/n) do you reckon you could become charged if you were hit by lightning?”

“Tubbo, you’re a genius,” Tommy breathed out, “let’s go see!” 

“No, you will not go see. Sit back down.” Wilbur called out as he passed your room. The group slumped slightly. “We’ll see when I get better. Mark my words, the next thunderstorm that happens I will see if I can be charged.” You whispered to them, your eyes glinting with mischief. 

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea.”

“Of course it is, Ranboo. It probably won’t kill them.”

“Probably?” Ranboo raised an eyebrow at Tommy’s nonchalant answer. “Yes, probably.”

“I still have three lives left. If I die, I die.” You wove a hand in the air as you spoke and watched as Tubbo nodded in agreement. “Do it for science, (y/n).”

“Oh I will. For science!” You raised your water glass in the air and Tommy and Tubbo followed suit with wide smiles. “For science!”

You three turned to stare at a deadpanning Ranboo. He sighed before he raised his glass of milk and let out a monotone “for science.” You, Tommy, and Tubbo cheered as you clanked your glasses together. You could see a hint of a fond smile on Ranboo’s face as he watched you three chug your waters before he downed his milk in one swallow. 

You smirked at them and leaned close, talking lowly so that anyone passing by wouldn’t overhear you. “So, what’s our plan?”

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[earthstellar]

Transformers Analysis: Folklore and Folk Magic in the Mines of Kaon

thinking about Miner Megatron again, as always. here we goooo 

So I've been doing some folk magic, as I usually do, and it got me thinking:

Surely, the lower class/caste bots wouldn’t feel welcomed into the more organised Cybertronian temples etc., or might even be outright banned from joining in shared spiritual spaces or rituals. 

So it’s time to teach y’all some working class magic history and how we can apply that to Cybertronian spirituality: 

Working Class History: Casting Spells on the Job (Just Call it Prayer so the Boss Doesn't Find Out)

Here's a quick history of rural Appalachian folk magic, for some context:

1) The Christian Bible has been used for spellcasting all up and down the rural East Coast in the USA from day one of colonisation.

In Pennsylvania you have Hexenmeisters and the Pennsylvania Dutch practices, for a well-documented example.

2) The working class has done spellcasting with the Bible from the very first day shitty bosses started

This is for several reasons, but primarily because Bibles were common and cheap, you didn't have to know how to read in order to follow along with or change the lyrics of popular hymns and prayers to fit your own needs, and it was very easy to sneak what is essentially localised witchcraft under the radar when it just looks like you're reading the Bible to everyone else.

Catholic materials were used a lot for this, because they were often provided for free by any local churches, and a lot of working class people in Appalachia were Italian (Roman Catholic) or Eastern European (Eastern Orthodox Catholic), which meant there was no shortage of all sorts of votive candles and the like to utilise for what we would now identify as spellcasting.

It's important to note that it wasn't called spellcasting outright by anybody; Sometimes it was called "hexing" or "sweet talking", among other terms, but if you called it spellcasting it was heavily frowned upon.

A lot of people were uncomfortable (and are still uncomfortable) with verbalising it or identifying it as such due to stigma from the more mainstream religious communities or their own religious backgrounds, and of course, historically if the boss found out that all the workers hated their jobs so much they were doing fucking witchcraft about it, it would not have ended well for the workers.

So, stealth it is. And that's why there are so many specific folk practices in a lot of historically working class rural regions/communities-- Not just in Appalachia, but similar things happen in similar communities around the world.

What does this have to do with Megatron?

Everything we know about the lower classes on Cybertron, the lower caste members, and the mines/industrial regions in Tarn and Kaon suggest that a similar folklore likely existed within these working communities.

And any local folk practices likely developed for the exact same reasons that this type of folk practice developed in the real world:

Workers are fucking miserable, "mainstream" religion isn't satisfying their spiritual/emotional/social/material needs or concerns, and close-knit people in small communities spending most of their time together naturally start to sort of do their own thing based on their collective situation.

People get desperate, there's nowhere to turn and nothing to do, so spirituality becomes a lifeline in that it builds solidarity and creates a more appropriate sort of support system.

For example: If we aren't allowed time off work to mourn our friend who was killed by heavy machinery, and we aren't allowed any time to process that or deal with it or take care of each other, then we will invent a ritual that allows us to grieve on the job.

This was, and still is, a common thing.

Which brings us to...

St. Barbara and the Mines + Solus Prime

St. Barbara's backstory can be summarised, roughly, as such (based on the version of this story that I know; keep in mind the details can vary):

She was kept isolated from others by her father, who became furious that she refused an arranged marriage. When she fled, he chased her; She ran into two people working in a field, the first who helped her, and the second who gave her path away to her father.

She was captured, and brought to a prominent local figure (the title varies based on different versions of this story), who had her tortured for escaping and disobeying her father.

However, when imprisoned, they tried to kill her again and again, and every morning she was healed. Fire intended to be used to burn her would cool the second it got near her skin, and daggers used to cut her would go dull when brought near her.

Snakes thrown into her room intended to bite her would then die the instant they went to approach her, and ropes intended to be used to bind and choke her would spontaneously fray and snap before they could be tied.

Eventually, she was condemned to beheading, and a special sword was used to cut her head off, which finally killed her.

Her father is the one who beheaded her, and as divine punishment, he was hit by lightning-- A single bolt that lasted so long that his entire body went up into flames, and his ashes disappeared.

Her gravesite became a place of veneration, where people prayed for protection and safety.

She became known as the patron saint of all people with dangerous jobs or jobs where the bosses don't care about the worker's wellbeing or safety, for obvious reasons: Nothing but the hands of her own father could ever harm her.  

(The imagery of St. Barbara being slain only by a special sword is very reminiscent of Solus Prime being slain only by a special sword...)

Workers, especially those with particularly dangerous or shitty jobs but also just anyone working class in general, can interpret this story in several ways which can make it additionally relatable:

Her father = A controlling and aggressive boss who abuses or neglects their workers to death.

The field workers = A pro-union worker (a helper) and an anti-union worker or scab (a betrayer).

So you can see how St. Barbara became immediately adopted as a common worker's saint, and was used in a lot of regional working class folk magic practices (where such folk magic developed within local working communities).

And this is still going strong as a tradition; Crossrail tunnel borers in London consecrated the drilling site in the name of St. Barbara in 2013:

"Several hundred contractors and senior management attended the St Barbara's Day ceremony at the Thames Tunnel (pictured) which will link Plumstead and North Woolwich when completed. The site was so large, that sound engineers put in place an amplification system for the ceremony." - Article here. 

"As a long-standing tradition, one of the first tasks for each new tunnelling projects is to establish a small shrine to Santa Barbara at the tunnel portal or at the underground junction into long tunnel headings. This is often followed with a dedication and an invocation to Santa Barbara for protection of all who work on the project during the construction period." - Article here. 

And here's a related example of a worker's prayer for St. Barbara, from here: 

So this is very much a tradition that is still going strong, and it isn't just Catholic workers who engage with these types of things!

To accommodate more diverse groups and communities of workers, folk practices (including what eventually becomes folk magic) increasingly develop even further away from any one specific religious origin, in order to become more inclusive for the majority of people who can be from all kinds of different spiritual or cultural backgrounds.

Hence, more folk magic is made-- And I believe something like this could absolutely have evolved in a similar way in working communities on Cybertron.

Cybertronian Spirituality: The Primes, The Knights, The Titans

My personal theory/headcanon, and there is not much in canon to support this particularly so please keep that in mind, is that given the average type of manual labour working environment in Tarn and Kaon (dangerous, dark, and deep), it would make sense for the legendary Titans to become worked into some kind of folk practice.

We have this concept of the Titans as these giant and very particular beings, which reminds me somewhat of the Jewish Golem of Prague, in that the Titans are made from raw materials in some kind of mystical or cosmically spiritual manner, then eventually ally themselves to at least one respective Prime who then acts as a director of their actions to achieve victory over cosmic evil(s).

The Titans then go forward and act as guardians of Cybertronian life by combating the origins of these cosmic evil(s) as protectors of their respective polities and regions and eventually colony worlds, called into action by what is essentially a metaphysical and possibly outright spiritual pull of the need of their Prime(s) and later on the needs of the Cybertronian and colony world populations in times of threat or desperation.

These details are peppered throughout canon and vary based on media/franchise, but most recently Titan lore was covered again in IDW’s Optimus Prime series, issue 10, literally titled Origin Myths. 

What is interesting is that while the Golem association could be reasonably made, you could also reasonably say that the Three Original Titans (Metroplex, Chela, and Metrotitan) could be associated just as easily with the Catholic concept of the Holy Trinity. 

Lots of different interpretations could be applied to this stuff!

Class Stratification Within Cybertronian Religious Institutions

No matter how you may interpret it, we know that the Titans have a similar mystical presence in Cybertronian history and cultural lore to that of the Primes and Knights, and it would make sense for those spurned and disparaged by "mainstream" spiritual practices (which were likely just as stratified by class and caste as everything else was on Cybertron during Megatron's youth) to go ahead and create a folk practice based more around Titans.

This is because the Primes would like be associated directly with their oppressive rulers and upper classes, and the Knights, who are said to be the first Cybertronians to come from the Well, thusly represent a very high class onto their own which may have repelled working class bots who were very likely sick of essentially worshipping those venerated in their class stratified society solely due to the conditions of their creation; The Knights were "born with silver spoons", essentially, and it's hard to sell that to people who suffered due to the conditions of their own creation.

Therefore, the Titans are the other most likely Cybertronian figures of historical lore that could reasonably be adapted into a sort of folk religion for the working classes and lower social caste bots.

The imagery is strong, and relatable: In Megatron's case, the manual labourers and miners all have large frames compared to the average Cybertronian, they all toil invisibly and in relative silence, and they are kept away from the end products of their labour and yet without them, Cybertron planet wide would instantly struggle to sustain their raw material demands. 

They are critical workers, yet many of them have no names/designations; It is noted at least once in canon that some Titans are so old or so little known that their designations are not recorded. Yet without these unseen/unknown Titans, it could be the case that cosmic evil could have achieved victory.

While the Titans are critical, they are largely a mystery and unknown in any real detail. They do not normally engage with average Cybertronians, and when they do, it is usually indirectly-- Even though their actions actively impact the lives of nearly everyone.

And though the Primes and Knights are generally never physically present, at least not within living memory, there is real and physical proof of Titans. I feel like that aspect alone may well appeal more to people who are very physically oriented; We also see a stark realist mentality from many of the lower class/caste bots, who are sometimes realistic to the point of nihilism (which is part of why Megatron's writings were so revolutionary, in that they re-introduced hope to people who had previously concluded that there was no realistic possibility of ever rising up).

The Titans being a known, tangible physical reality may well have endeared them as a more interesting folkloric or spiritual focus to this particular cohort of bots.

Just like with St. Barbara in real life, you can see how the Titans may have been interpreted in certain ways by the lower class/caste working bots which may have made them more appealing or more easy to structure into a framework of sorts for their own practices within their local cultures.

A Little Meta: There's a Lot of Various Religious Imagery in Transformers

Like with all media, especially Western media, inevitably some Jesus sneaks in there.

Which usually sucks, because it can be alienating for literally anyone who isn't familiar with Christianity in some way (as some references or parallels are inevitably not going to be as obvious or even detectable at all to people who didn't grow up with all this sometimes very specific shit, resulting in missed thematic elements and so on due to no fault of the viewers but rather the tendency for Western shows to overwhelmingly be written and designed by primarily Western white middle aged cis straight men who tend to throw some Jesus in there when there should not necessarily be any Jesus in there, but I could yell about this all night).

Transformers as a franchise altogether is not immune to this; As with all media, it is made by people, and people are influenced by their social/cultural upbringing, and that includes religious influences.

We could read some of this into the TFP/Aligned Continuity, in regards to the idea of the Thirteen Primes and how that concept is interpreted in TFP.

Transformers Prime: Alpha Trion is Essentially Paul the Apostle

The TFP Primes resemble both the Apostles as well as various Saints, and especially the Fourteen Holy Helpers; These fourteen Saints in particular are elevated above the others in many cases and contexts-- Similar to how the Primes are held up as elevated over other Cybertronians and other figures in Cybertronian history and presumably within certain Cybertronian spiritual practices as well. 

For example, Alpha Trion is strongly reminiscent of the Christian figure Paul the Apostle, who was a writer/scribe known for documenting early Christian concerns of faith in his letters, which became extremely important to theological historians in regards to determining early Christian discourse and attempting to create a timeline of early Christianity.

His letters are included the New Testament in thirteen (!) sections called epistles, which are archived forever in various iterations within the Christian Bible. 

Now, let’s take a look at the symbolism, using the TFP main illustration of Alpha Trion as featured in the Covenant, and a popular Icon image of Paul the Apostle: 

Beard, cloak, book-- Even the pose they are in here is very similar, look at the feet and the way they are both standing. Even the halo of Cybertronian glyphs around Alpha Trion’s head resembles the gold filament of Paul’s halo. 

And much like Alpha Trion's questionable ability to write/re-write history and determine events through some kind of cosmically divine power of foresight, the timeline of Paul's letters will likely never be fully verifiable, and of course, there are so many translations and interpretations of these letters along with the rest of the New Testament that while key points remain fairly consistent, there is still no "true" version or exact outline of events or discussions as recorded by Paul-- Primarily because in at least a few cases, Paul's letters are the only allusion to certain events or conversations.

This is extremely similar to how Alpha Trion states outright in the Covenant that he himself doesn't know if what he writes is actually factual anymore, or if he has changed things so many times to try to construct a more favourable narrative of actions and events that reality itself may have been warped by his Quill, either forwards or backwards in time...

You could also argue that Alpha Trion is presented as a God-like figure in TFP (especially when he appears to Optimus in the form of an echoing voice and shimmering spectral figure in a vision caused by what is essentially the equivalent of a holy relic), and Orion Pax would then be comparable to Jesus pre-Crucifixion, with his reformatting into Optimus Prime post-Matrix heavily resembling Jesus in the eyes of his followers post-Resurrection.

The main cast of Autobots in this comparison would then roughly correspond to the Apostles, of whom there were twelve, with Optimus then making Thirteen... And of course, canonically, Optimus is the resurrection of the Thirteenth Prime. 

You can also see visual similarities in the depiction of Thirteen in the Covenant; It reminds me heavily of the Divine Mercy image of Jesus: 

Both have their right hands raised, their chests emitting a holy/cosmic light. 

I'm just saying, it is totally possible to make connections between fictional lore/spiritual figures and real world ones, and TF is loaded with content that can be re-contextualised in this way. 

(I also want to point out at this time that it is not my intention to offend anyone with any of this analysis; I am writing from the point of view of someone who grew up with folk spirituality, and I am also a Quaker Attender, just so you are aware of my own personal background. I would love to hear any other interpretations of any spiritual imagery in Transformers media, because there’s a ton of possible ways to read into this stuff!) 

In Conclusion: Cast a Hex on Your Boss by Calling Upon the Titans

Just for fun, as someone who has actually done folk magic for my entire life, I've adapted a hex against bad bosses to fit this headcanon. I think this is something that lower class/caste bots would absolutely engage in; It's common in real life as well.

The original I'm basing this off of was actually something I found in one of our old family Bibles before I moved out, and was written in Girard, Pennsylvania sometime between 1920-1930. I believe it was written by a relative of mine who worked either on the farm or on the railways.

Remember that folk magic like this is for and by working class people, so there are no fancy supplies needed; Don't ever buy shit to do magic, you can do it with anything laying around you. No need to spend money.

If you have a shitty boss, please let me know if you hex your boss with this. I always encourage witchcraft, fictional or otherwise.

Here's what you do, if you want to actually try this:

1) Using any old paper that you have lying around, cut it roughly into a square (doesn't need to be perfect.) It doesn't matter what type of paper it is.

2) Grab any pen you like, it can be any type of pen, any type of ink.

3) Draw a square outline on the paper, making a border on the page. This can be big or small as you like, and you can decorate it if you want; Just leave enough space to write inside the square.

4) Fold this paper into a square, any way you'd like as long as it's a square, and take this paper while it's still blank to work in your pocket.

Carry the paper with you for at least one full day at work. If you can, place it in a chest pocket or a pocket where the paper will be fairly close to your body.

It doesn't matter if the paper gets dirty or smudged or torn; In fact, that's even better.

(Some people who do variations of this spell in real life even use the paper to wipe dirt off their hands etc. throughout the day, to really get the energy of a work day settled into the paper. As long as it can still be written on, you can do this if you'd like.)

5) At the end of the work day, take the paper out, and write the following:

Where I have put [X], the word "Lord" was in the original version of this hex which was in my family Bible, but to contextualise it within the fictional headcanon lore here, you can replace this with the word "Titan". (Or you can replace it with anything else that may be appropriate as well, if you would like to actually use this hex!)

"Give us pay for our work, or the poor will plea to the [X] against you, and you will be struck down, cast down.  

If you do not give to those who give to you, you will be cursed coming in, and going out.

Just as the [X] can raise you up and lead you to prosper, so too can the [X] turn away from you, and you will be left to have your walls destroyed, your fortress ruined.

Us servants will rejoice, but you will cry out in anguish, you will be put to shame.

Without the toilers, the land is made desolate, the haunt of jackals.

[X], turn your gaze to us, we labourers of all kinds, see our tears and our sweat.

Lay curses upon those who use their hands to hold us down; Kept below water, our tears lost in the flood.

Raise the waters, and surge the shores of their ill-owned kingdom; Bring forth to their memory that the [X] stewards the land, and that all among the land are equal in spirit.

The [X] will cast fury upon the unrighteous and conniving, cast rage and stand among us mightily, each motion casting winds against the oppressor who weakens like fractured stone under the onslaught of rain.

The [X] will make a storm from our anguish, which brings us higher, raises us from desolation. Our tears, become the rain that withers the false tower looming high above us.

Our hands will raise from our tools and duties, and offer high praise to the [X], who guards the disparaged and lowly, who enacts justice against those who have done wrong against us.

Let us be brought high, and those who revel in our struggle, may they be cast down."

6) You may flip the paper over once the ink is dry, and on the back, put three Xs in the upper corners of the paper. You may also add three more XXXs to the centre of the paper, where the crease in the paper is from folding it.

7) Re-fold the paper, and put it in the bottom of your right shoe. If this is too uncomfortable, carry it in any pocket on your right side.

You can also place it in your wallet for safe keeping, as your wallet contains money and possibly a work ID or something similar, which are all tied to work and working.

And there you have it! Fuck shitty bosses, both fictional ones and real ones. Join a union, do some witchcraft. 

This post was long as always, but I hope it's interesting to someone out there! <3 Thank you to anyone who actually reads through all of this! <3

[bigprettygothgf]

recompleted dark souls 3 yesterday. this game just feels so hollow*, sometimes in a very good way and other times in a pretty bad way. when the game is enforcing a very deep sense of lifelessness, isolation, and collective sense of apathy over the complete lack of hope, the emptiness is very good. when the game feels devoid of life because it’s struggling to find its own identity that doesn’t rely on dark souls 1, is when it fails. i wouldn’t necessarily mind the bombardment of ds1 references, callbacks, and reuse, cuz i mean hey, that was going to happen regardless and when you’re ending your beloved series you have to bring things full circle. but there are times where this really feels like it’s succumbing to the post-last jedi syndrome of “oh god people didn’t like that last entry, we better bring back a bunch of stuff from that other one people liked to make em happy!”. as i said the game can’t quite seem to find its own identity which, say what you will about dark souls 2, that game established itself as its own entity very easily. dark souls 3 does a very good job of showing the rot of the world around it and the way in which this cycle of decay is doomed to endlessly repeat itself, but thematically it contradicts itself by simultaneously using elements of dark souls 1 as signifiers of how ugly life here is, and always was, despite how it may have appeared, while also using them to make you nostalgic to those things as if none of those story elements even matter. it’s weird in a way that’s difficult to put into words exactly and people that don’t really give a shit about thematic elements or lore in these games probably aren’t even going to care in that way, but it bothers me. i think anor londo is maybe the finest example of what i’m talking about. you can argue that anor londos reappearance is to show you how grey and lifeless this once golden and lively city was....but dark souls 1 already did that once you saw through gwyndolin’s illusion. that was never anor londo. we already know anor londo is not the majestic haven it projects itself to be. there’s no actual reason to show us again besides reminding you that you liked playing through that place in the first game. it’s probably stupid to get so hung up on anor londo specifically since it is essentially just a glorified cameo area to get to a boss, but there are better, far less intrusive ways of doing this, such as the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it firelink shrine ruins under earthen peak. and the earthen peak ruins don’t count as a nostalgia bait cameo because no one in the fucking world played through earthen peak and thought damn i loved that place, hope it shows up in dark souls 3! it’s there so that the ringed city expansion quite literally takes you back through the entire series. i’m okay with that here.

and this is probably an even more nonsensical thing to criticise since its a dlc addition, and they cant really just go back and fundamentally alter the main game to accommodate it, but i really wish they gave a better air of finality to and made it so the credits roll after you give the painter the blood of the dark soul. as the true ending of the trilogy it carries far more emotional weight than the base game endings do on their own, but it’s restricted to an NPC interaction that a lot of less scrupulous players are going to miss altogether.

i will say i think this has my favorite bosses collectively of the 3. i don’t think any boss in the series could hope to trump the rush of beating ornstein & smough or artorias the abysswalker for the first time, but while dark souls 1 also has its fair share of pretty shit bosses (capra demon, pinwheel, iron golem, the bed of chaos, etc) and ds2 has too many suckers to count, i can really only think of 1  ½ total duds in ds3, those being champion’s gravetender/gravetender greatwolf, and the first phase of the nameless king. the gravetender duo is just an npc you can stunlock to death and reused enemies you already saw in the dlc. it’s kind of insulting. and then there’s the first phase of the nameless king, which pretty much epitomises dark souls 3′s terrible camera, as you’ll be fucked whether you lock on or not, and the weird hitboxes and (highly) disorienting arena just makes it even more frustrating than it ever reasonably should be. i only count it as a ½  because the 2nd phase is enjoyable enough. high lord wolnir also comes close gameplay-wise but that fight looks so cool that i’m willing to let it slide. i mean its a giant fucking skeleton so big we cant even see all of him. come on. but aside from those you have incredible fights like pontiff sulyvahn, champion gundyr, sister friede, darkeater midir, slave knight gael... all unforgettable fights that rank among the best i’ve ever experienced. as much as i will defend dark souls 2, the bosses in this game put the vast majority of the ones from 2 to absolute shame.

overall i will never be on the full fledged “fuck dark souls 3″ train, there’s just too many good things about it to fully dismiss, but now that i’ve played (and nearly 100%ed, give me like 10 days) all of them back to back multiple times, i do think it’s the weakest of the trilogy. when it soars, it fucking soars, but when it falls short it kind of sours the whole product.

*no pun intended. sorry

[astudyinfreewill]

“it all comes down to the soul(s) in the end”: or, characters make the story work, and not the other way around

outing myself yet again as a dabb era critical blog here but. i just think the difference between carver era and dabb era is that carver era was character-arc driven while dabb era was overarching-main-plot driven with some good character moments thrown in (which may be to do with the fact that - iirc - during carver era for a while they didn’t know if they’d get renewed so they couldn’t plan too far ahead and just progressed the story by increments, as opposed to dabb era knowing they had a longer time frame to work with and deciding the plot beforehand). 

the thing is, i think most of us can agree that after the kripke era - which, for all its flaws and setbacks (hello writers’ strike), had a self-contained myth arc involving both an internally coherent narrative and certain well-defined character beats - and going into the gamble “hot girl summer but make it angst” era, the appeal of supernatural relies largely on the characters. it has to, because for a show to keep running after 6-7 seasons, you have to be invested not just in the story/stories being told, but in the people driving the story forward. it simply won’t work otherwise.

and - to my perception at least - the carver era (perhaps largely due to ben edlund’s imprint in s8, lbr) knew that. some examples of what i mean:

it gave dean an arc about dealing with the toxicity of his upbringing and his unhealthy attachment to sam, as well as starting to explore other meaningful relationships for himself (benny, charlie, and of course him continuously reaching out to cas) - essentially it allowed dean to confront that he wanted things. 

it gave sam an arc about dealing with his trauma re: demon blood, and having to confront what it means to be good, how he always felt impure through no fault of his own - and it shifted him over into accepting that his calling in life is as a keeper of lore and mentor to other people, by contrasting the failure of the sam/amelia relationship with him finding the bunker and discovering a different part of the hunting world

it forced cas to confront what he wants for himself, by making him deal with his own changing nature (being human, then an angel again, and the whole arc about living on borrowed grace), and with the other angels falling and what that meant for him; he got the chance to be on his own and be with the winchesters, to both make mistakes and be a leader to other angels - and then give up that leadership by choice because he prioritised his human family to his reputation in heaven (which should have been a clear indication of endgame human cas but i digress)

it brought in compelling new characters - primarily charlie and kevin, though they were both horrendously mistreated by bucklemming writing them off - claire novak as an angry teenager, aaron and his golem, metatron as a fascinatingly meta (ha) antagonist, rowena as a frenemy, and gave old characters compelling story beats (crowley and his “humanity addiction”). also, it had writers like robbie thompson who were attuned to the fan community in an unprecedented way.

with the dabb era, i feel like because they’d set their mind on where the story was going (e.g.: killing dean, having a new and “better” god in place, giving sam a white picket fence ending) they didn’t really care if they had to break the protagonists’ characterisation to get us there. we still had moments of great characterisation - steve yockey episodes first and foremost, and of course robert berens carrying the dean/castiel beats - but mostly, characterisation came second to what the story would need. this is how we get dean winchester, friend and protector to kids everywhere, being A-Okay with sacrificing a kid he supposedly cares about, not once but several times over, because the plot needed Emotional Stakes™️.

(and this, by and large, is my issue with jack as a character too, because he spends so much of his time on the show so clearly being a plot device - a literal deus ex machina - that he ends up being not very compelling to me. “but baby jack!” i hear you say. and yes, yes, he’s cute and i like him, but listen -- his characterisation reads as a blank slate because ultimately that’s what the narrative needs from him - and there’s a whole separate post i could make on that, really). 

but i think the main problem is that the endgame the dabb era had in mind conflicted openly with the stakes they had set up in the carver era - and that the most attuned writers kept up with even in seasons 12-15, which is why the finale felt as stridently wrong as it did (other than being ridiculously badly written). by which i mean:

dean was set up as wanting something more for himself, more than hunting and violence, and we see that in moments - but it’s not what he ends up getting. additionally, he spends so much of seasons 8-10 breaking down his toxic traits, and then bam - suddenly, he’s turned into john 2.0, because the story demands it. 

sam was set up to become a new kind of hunter, one with a men of letters background, and find happiness in the life - so you get a side plot where he successfully organises and leads a group of hunters - but ultimately he leaves all that behind and abandons the bunker (and eileen, his natural companion going forward). 

cas was set up as choosing humanity over heaven because that’s where he wants to be, and choosing to become a hunter because he wants to be useful and do good - but that gets boiled down to “cas is still an angel but now he’s Also A Dad and that’s his one purpose in life now” (i’m sorry, i am not here for the hot take of “jack is good for cas because he can’t just revolve around dean”. first of all, that’s a disservice to cas’s character over the seasons, and second of all-- oh but it’s ok for cas to just revolve around jack? it don’t make no cents luv!)

i don’t think story-driven eras are inherently bad. i enjoyed seasons 1-5, but they take place when we’re still getting to know the characters; and there is a certain evolution for them there that you may like or dislike, but it makes narrative sense for them. but if you decide to go forward into a new era with well-established and beloved characters, you have to know who the characters are and what they want or your story will always ring hollow. the main problem i have with the dabb era is that it decided the story it wanted to tell - and didn’t stop to consider whether the characters living it out would actually organically fit into it. and isn’t that chuck’s whole mistake?

[commander-coppercogg]

because my brain decided to inflict pain on this day, if you want it, bertie + storm tracking @kerra-and-company

Hello! Thank you so much for sending in this ask and I’m so sorry it took this long to answer it. But! I am very excited to present the longest thing I’ve written in a really long time and something that I’m honestly really proud of. So thank you so much for providing me the opportunity and inspiration to write this. Enjoy!

“Don’t be mad. I lied.”

It was difficult to hear Blish’s voice over the rumbling and the shattering of crystals. Bertie was having a hard enough time keeping his raptor, Kerfuffle, following Syrryl on his jackal. Holding up a conversation at the same time made his brain feel split in two. “What? What are you saying?”

“The power source is dead. I can't fix it.” Bertie gritted his teeth and gathered the reins in his hands, ready to turn around and go back for Blish. They could come up with another plan, they could try again, they just needed a little more time- “But my golem body can power the tracker, indefinitely. I just have to... take my higher functions off-line. Permanently.”

“No!” Syrryl’s head swung around to look at him, eye widening as he realized what was happening. “No! Blish, you can’t!” Bertie squinted through the swirling sand, mind racing as he scrambled to form a blueprint in his head of Blish’s body and how it could be modified. “No, no there’s gotta be another way, just give me a minute. Uh, ok, jettison your body’s limbs so it uses less power! Could you use one of the Branded crystals as an alternate exterior power source? Maybe-“

“Stop. Please,” Blish cut him off. “I'm just one person. We're talking about the end of the world. If I can buy you time to stop Kralkatorrik, then—“

“No!” Bertie yelled, causing Syrryl to slow his jackal until the two mounts were side by side. Bertie looked to his friend, his shadow, for support but saw in his expression the same resignation in Blish’s voice. He shook his head, refusing to give in. “There HAS to be another way. I'm not letting you do this!”

The communicator fizzed and popped for a moment and Bertie wondered if the connection had been broken. Then, “With all due respect, Commander….Bertie….it’s not up to you.” Blish continued in a rush, clearly desperate to get the words out. “Take care of Gorrick. Tell him—tell him his big brother is sorry.”

The words hit Bertie like a physical blow and he clutched at the reins tighter. Old childhood memories he hadn’t thought about in years, discarded after an unsatisfactory reunion and bitter arguments, returned to him. Bronn. His own brother. Bronn, who had protected him and raised him, who had then left him and never once apologized for it, who could be alive or dead or anywhere in between as far as he knew anymore, who had never answered the few short letters he’d tried to send, who he’d once been as close to as Blish and Gorrick were now, Alchemy, how was he going to tell Gorrick… So caught up in his own thoughts, Bertie almost missed the fact that Blish kept talking. With a sharp shake of his head, he forced himself to listen to his friend’s last words.

“And... Taimi, too. After you beat Kralkatorrik, keep fighting—until you've made a world worthy of them. And...stop keeping secrets from each other. All of you.”

In a turmoil of grief and confusion, Bertie turned to Syrryl, the question of what Blish meant already forming on his tongue, then stopped. The look on Syrryl’s face was almost frightening in its intensity. His usual deadpan resolve was gone, shattered away by something Blish had said, something that Bertie now realized held some meaning he couldn’t parse. In its place was a moment of pure vulnerability, an expression so filled with raw emotion that Bertie had to look away, feeling as though he’d intruded on something private.

The air around him shook with a sudden increase of crystalline ringing. Off to his left, he heard Syrryl cry out in alarm. Head snapping around, he could only watch as Syrryl’s jackal crumpled to sand beneath him as the Brandstorm attempted to corrupt the construct. The small asura rolled as he hit the ground and came up running, dodging the flying crystals as best he could.

“Syrryl!” Bertie yanked Kerfuffle’s reins, pulling the protesting raptor into a skidding turn. Mind blank with terror at the thought of losing not one but two friends in the same moment, he locked the fingers of his prosthetic arm around the horn of the saddle and reached outwards as far as he could with the other. Leaning dangerously off balance, he watched, heart in his throat, as Syrryl leaped towards him. There was an agonizing moment of stillness before the distance between them closed and Bertie felt Syrryl’s hand in his. Throwing his body weight in the opposite direction, he hauled the both of them back up into the saddle and urged Kerfuffle on. “We have to go back for Blish!” He yelled over the raging storm, one last attempt at denial.

He felt Syrryl’s arms lock around his waist, pressed tight against his back. “There’s no way! It’s all been Branded.”

“But-“

“Bertie.” Syrryl’s voice in his ear was quiet and firm. “We have to go. Now.”

Tears finally start to build as the reality sunk in. Another one. He was going to lose another one. “T-the sand’s clogging my glasses,” he choked out. “I c-can’t see to steer.”

He was grateful that Syrryl didn’t point out his lie. The sniper shifted behind him, pulling himself up so he could see over Bertie’s shoulder. “I can see. Have Kerfuffle jump.”

“What? To where?”

“Trust me. Jump. Now.”

——————————————————————————

The sand crunched under his feet as Bertie paced back and forth, back and forth, arms wrapped tight around his chest, mind so full that it felt like if he leaned over too far everything would go spilling over. He reached the cool stone wall of the small chamber in Sun’s Refuge he currently occupied and turned, retracing his steps for the next uncountable time. Eyes half focused, he forced his breathing to remain steady and regimented, five seconds in, five seconds out, repeat. He needed to calm down. He needed to calm down now, so he could go be the Commander again, go be an actual person again and not a mute blank shell that couldn’t even comfort his own daughter when she told him she was dying—

He hadn’t realized he’d gotten so close to the rock face until he collided with it. It jolted him out of his head a little even as it knocked the air out of his lungs. Slumping against the wall was uncomfortable, the skin on his palms scrapping against the round surface, but grounding in its own way. The solid pressure against his back made focusing a little easier so he stayed there, eyes closed, head tilted back, counting his breathes. Five minutes. He would allow himself five minutes, no longer. Braham and Syrryl were with Taimi now, they could look after her for the time being. At least she wasn’t alone.

As he counted down the time in his head, Bertie gradually became aware of a sound of to his right. Opening his eyes, he realized the noise was coming from a small narrow passage in the rock that he hadn’t noticed in his distracted state. Pushing away from the wall, he crept down the passage. Falling into the rhythm of patrolling for enemies and perimeter weaknesses was so second nature it took him several minutes to realize that he was moving.

The passage twisted and turned, far too small for anyone other than an asura to use. Eventually, it opened up into a wider space filled with equipment that Bertie recognized as Gorrick’s lab space. The source of the noise was Gorrick himself, moving back and forth from table to monitor to scanning device with the same barely contained frenetic energy Bertie felt in his own body.

A stab of guilt lanced through Bertie. He had been so distracted by Taimi’s revelation that he hadn’t thought to send someone to go check on Gorrick. The losses had stack up so suddenly it was difficult to keep them all in line. As urgent as he was to go and check on Taimi, he couldn’t in good conscious leave Gorrick alone. He at least needed to apologize for getting his brother killed, he thought dully as he stepped forward into the cave a little more.

“Gorrick?” His raspy voice, roughed by sand and yelling and his own faltering control of his emotions, startled the both of them. Gorrick spun around to stare in his direction, eyes almost immediately sliding off Bertie’s face to focus on a point nearby on the floor. Bertie couldn’t blame him. He didn’t think he’d be able to manage eye contact at this point either.

“Oh. Hello. Commander.” Gorrick’s voice was stilted and distracted in a way that most people would read as rude. “I’m….busy right now.”

“You…you don’t have to be,” Bertie said cautiously. He still didn’t know Gorrick all that well, if he were honest with himself. He knew they thought in similar ways but that didn’t mean they had the same reactions to loss. “You should…could take a break?”

Gorrick shook his head, ears flapping. “No! No I think…I think I’ve found to way to track down Blish!”

Bertie’s heart sank. It wasn’t that he didn’t hope desperately for it to be true. It was just that even he could hear the note of denial in Gorrick’s tone as he tripped over himself to point at a monitor. “If, no, when Kralkatorrick is dead then maybe we can use the remaining signal to track my brother down and rescue him!”

Bertie nodded slowly as he turned Gorrick’s words over in his mind. “Ok….” Speaking was still difficult but he forced himself to do it. “You’d- we’d need at least another point to even try and triangulate that…”

Gorrick spun and pointed at a half assembled contraption on a nearby table. Even from a distance, Bertie could tell that is was…rather hastily put together. And that was putting it politely. “I-I’m working on a p-probe that would do that, it could work…

Bertie slowly approached the table, not wanting to upset Gorrick even more. But there was no way that the construct would be able to survive the harshness of the desert outside of Sun’s Refuge, let alone the chaos of the Mists. He bit his lip, sharp teeth pricking the skin as he struggled to find something to say, some comfort to give. “What….what are the base line calculations of-“

“I don’t know!” Gorrick wailed suddenly, making Bertie jump. “B-Blish did all of the math and the golemancy and the talking to people, I just do bugs, a-and bugs can’t help him, bugs can’t help anyone, I can’t help him or anyone and now he’s gone and I can’t do anything about it…..”

It hurt. Oh it hurt. Losing Blish was awful but if anything seeing Gorrick like this was worse. Because it was familiar. That overwhelming need for it to not be true, to be some kind of trick. Desperate denial slowly giving way to the shattering realization that this was the way the world was now. That your brother was gone. Experiencing it personally had been staggering for Bertie. Watching it happen to someone else was…

He moved entirely on autopilot, driven by instinct and the need to provide the comfort he hadn’t gotten. Wrapping his arms around Gorrick, Bertie pulled the younger asura into an awkward hug. “I’m sorry, Gorrick,” he said, barely able to get the words out. “I’m so sorry.

For a moment, Gorrick stood tense and silent, arms rigid at his side. Alchemy, he’d overstepped. Bertie cleared his throat awkwardly and was on the verge of pulling away when Gorrick let out a muffled sob.

It was like seeing cracked glass finally shatter. Gorrick slumped against him, tears coming stronger and faster as his shoulders began to shake. His hands clutched at Bertie’s heavy coat and Bertie tightened his grip in return, wondering if Gorrick found the pressure as soothing as he did. The other asura’s glasses were digging uncomfortably into his shoulder but he refused to pull away, taking the additional weight easily even as he struggled with his own emotions.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, no longer knowing who he even spoke to anymore. Gorrick, Blish, Taimi, himself, all of Tyria… it had all gotten so big and his words felt so small. But they were all he had right now. So he spoke them again and again as his friend continued to mourn and just hoped they did some good.

[koujinna]

An appreciation essay for emotional comfort

TW: discussions of PTSD, suicidal thoughts, and anger issues

The episode titled “The Ancient One” (Season 4 Episode 14) is an episode that has stayed with me for years. It is an episode I continue to revisit till this day as an adult. I watch it when I’m heavily stressed or having dark thoughts. I find it strangely comforting, especially since I identified with Leo’s character since I first watched the show. 

Are there some corny pieces of dialogue? Yes. Do some of the lessons seem completely obvious? Well, yeah. When you’re in a better state of mind perhaps. 

The point is, for a children’s show, this episode is a fantastic exploration of processing trauma, relinquishing guilt, recognizing self-sabotaging behavior, and accepting failure. There is a way to admit failure without internally punishing yourself. Persistent guilt and self-punishment do not make you a better person. You can learn to care in a more effective way. While I did not fully understand everything presented in this episode the first time I watched it, the episode stuck out so much that I kept re-watching it, each time processing it further. When you come from a background where you are constantly led to believe failure is not an option, self-punishment is normal, and that you are never good enough, the lessons in this episode can seem mind-blowing.

Leo always cared about his family. But his care manifested in a way that was detrimental. That same care being the fuel for his angry outbursts that ironically hurt his family instead of helping them. The classic overthink, frequent irritability, projection of incompetency onto other people: all signs of someone dealing with trauma. 

Anger. Something I don’t think many people like admitting they have a problem with. I remember feeling ashamed for my anger. Ashamed of losing control. The aftermath of that anger only fuels that shame and guilt. You can see all the guilt and regret pour out when Leo lands a blow on Splinter. It was a rude wakeup call. It forced Leo to confront something he was deeply ashamed of, a.k.a. what he had become. He was ashamed of being mentally and emotionally unwell. And so Splinter had to confront the issue swiftly but calmly (something I commend). Clear communication and guidance was necessary for Leo. I can see why some people think Splinter’s reaction was quite cold and brisk. But from personal experience, beating around the bush gets you nowhere and can just get frustrating. Leo needed someone to be honest and calm with him and to give him a clear, defined direction to figure himself out. Straightforwardness without being condescending and panicky. The last thing an emotionally unwell person needs is for others around them to be freaking out.

I won’t give each lesson a full-blown analysis because they can be summed up nicely by the show’s script:

1. A warrior who attacks in anger never wins.

2. Some roads are shorter than others (it’s okay to take a shortcut)

3. A warrior who never fails, never learns.

4. If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so?

5. You are your worst enemy.

I have to give a round of applause for Michael Sinterniklaas’ performance in this episode. Leo sounds desperate, screechy, and VERY emotional, as he should be in his situation. The lines where he fights the golem: “I-I’m sorry. I’m I-. I did the best I could! I DID THE BEST I COULD! There WASN’T ANYMORE I could have DONE!” That sticks with me and I get chills every time he says it. 

Edit: https://tmntsoundthingies.tumblr.com/post/59499731139/i-just-play-some-videos-of-2k3-randomly-and-this

The lovely @tmntsoundthingies actually has a clip of this!

One more thing. And this is on a darker note. Now that I am in a better place mentally, I can wholeheartedly laugh when the Ancient One says “You stupid! You alive right?” to Leo after he surrenders a fight to the demon ghosts. This hits me very hard as someone who did not use to value my life before. I really would neglect my wellbeing, my life, over something so small in the grand scheme of things. Leo, being in the self-destructive mindset, was willing to die over a fight that was not worth fighting in the first place. Self-preservation is a concept I had to actively relearn after many years of believing you have to give your all to everything. The ideas that you have to work until you drop, sleep is for the weak, and failure is not an option are toxic mindsets. Before you know it, you are neglecting to take care of yourself. And then, if you spiral down further, you actively go about harming yourself or even ending it all. The Ancient One talking about self-preservation (and in turn, self-care) so nonchalantly like that is a reality check. I deserve to live. I deserve to feel better. I deserve to be a better person. I deserve to be happy. All of these thoughts are NATURAL and you are allowed to act on them. You can give yourself permission to act on these natural thoughts. As someone who used to be suicidal, having this revelation brings me great relief and joy.

This post is most certainly WAY too long by this point. I honestly could write about this forever, but I think I’ve made my point. I honestly made my point a long time ago. I just like externalizing stuff because I think too much...and analytical, personal insight is fun. Looking inward (practicing introspection) is something I already intuitively do. This episode and many other things in my life just helped me do it more productively. I really can be my worst enemy.

There is value in messages, regardless of what form they take. This just so happened to be an episode in a kid’s cartoon. Thank you Steve Murphy for writing this episode and thank you to all the others involved in making this episode, and this show in general, a reality. TMNT 2003 is truly a comfort show for me in many ways. This was just one of them.

[uglyshirtsinc]

AIGHT HERE WE GO BUCKLE UP!! Endermen hybrids Illumina, Purpled, and Ranboo! With a sprinkle of Technodad and Sonboo, a drizzle of Little Brother Purpled and Big Brother Punz, with a side of Illumina and Fruit friendship! Less go! This was meant to be a ramble but literally ended up a fic outline?? Could even be read as a fic if you wanted??? What the hell 6 am me???

Endermen hyrbid are valuable because since they're half human instead of making enderpearls they make eyes of ender, and they respawn like humans do so they're used to farm ender eyes.

Ranboo meets Illumina and Purpled after being kidnapped and separated from his dad at the wee age of eleven meets sixteen year old Illumina and eleven year old Purpled.

He's tossed into a cell with the two of them, Illumina being there to calm the younger two down after being used for the farm. Whenever Illumina is brought back to the cell, he cares for the boys and dotes on them, acting much more worried and clingy that normal. They let him take care of them, knowing that keeping them safe calms him.

They talk about their lives before being taken, Illumina talks about the adventures he and his friend Fruit would go on. The dangerous things they did. He promises the boys to one day show them cool tricks, using the excuse of "the cell is too tiny and someone would get hurt" as to why he can't show them off there, not wanting to tell them the little portions of food he recieves (even less considering he gives most to the boys) has eaten away at his strength.

Purpled talks about his adoptive brother Punz who's just a bit older than Illumina, at age seventeen. How he was a cool mercenary hired to do "super secret" stuff and protect people. He tells them about his trident and tomahawk.

When Ranboo opened up, it gave Illumina his first real sense of hope he's had in a long time. Ran talks about his dad, emperor of the Antarctic Empire and faithful patron of the powerful Blood God. Illumina had heard of the Arctic Empire's hybrid son and after story after story began to believe that Ran really was the prince of the Empire. Ran's father obviously loved him, each story leaving him in tears of either longing or laughter. His father would be searching for them, and he would find them.

Weeks turned to months and nothing changed, until Ran was on the floor screaming in pain and Purpled was hiding in the corner wailing in fear. Illumina could hear cracking, popping, and spotted two hard lumps just next to Ranboo's shoulder blades and realized he wasn't just some Enderman hybrid, but rather a dragon hybrid. When the pain finally subsided and their captors returned to take the two young boys Illumina knew what he had to do.

He didn't know much of Gods and patrons, only what he read while searching the strongholds with Fruit after their latest adventure.

Patrons were messy, being worthy to have one and be a follower was even messier. But within that moment, he didn't care. Thousands of voices in his head was better than having to witness those monsters that held them captive force Ran to cough and gag and wheeze in attempt to get Dragons Breath from the boy. It was worth it to return Purpled to his brother, to see the boys eyes light up the same way they did when Ran said his dad would save them. And for just a moment, Illumina let himself be selfish. It was worth it to get to hold his best friend close, to be strong enough to scale buildings and run from golems they'd messed with. To see the sunrise over a snowy mountain, to show the world he was faster, stronger, and smarter than anyone imagined.

Cutting his hand on a jagged rock sticking from the walls that he had warned the boys about so often, be used his own blood to draw the symbol. When it glows and the world fades, stands before him a towering man with hair as white as snow, wearing the finest attire fit for a king, dressed in gold with everything he wore.

Wordlessly, a deal is made and as their hands shake Illumina is staring into dark, ruby red eyes sparkling with a beast like excitement. The Blood God speaks and tells him "They have been waiting." And Illumina knows what he means.

When the world returns, his ragged and dirty clothes are replaced by the ones he would wear before the monsters took him. A pouch of emeralds hangs from his belt and a familiar black mask covers his nose and mouth. His strength has returned, but at a cost he has yet to find out.

There's no whispers, no cries, no one yelling in his head. There's no insanity blocking his train of thought. No amnesia. He is Illumina.

He wraps himself with the one thin blanket they were allowed, curling up near the gate to keep himself and his clothes covered.

Purpled is first to return and Illumina places a figer over his lips, signaling Purpled to stay quiet. When Ran returns, it takes Illumina less than thirty seconds to have the monstrous man on the ground unconscious. Ran and Purpled watch in awe as he checks the horrid man for anything of value to them. A ring of keys, a pouch of coin, an iron sword, and a map are all Illumina deems worthy.

While his strength has returned, he's mindful of the boys and their weak bodies. He carries Purpled on his back, the violet eyed boy the smallest out of them all.

It takes hours to escape their prison mostly undetected. When they do, Illumina grabs the first horse he can find that's saddled up and tells the boys to hold on as he rides off.

The map was appreciated beyond comprehension. It doesn't take long to find a town and get the boys proper clothing that will survive the journey to the Arctic. Keeping them close and their heads down they get what they need tools wise and leave before the sun can even set.

It's hard, telling Purpled that he'll have to wait even longer to see his brother, but promises once they return Ranboo home that Punz can come there to take him home. If Illumina must admit, he chooses Technoblade first because once it hits the news of the princes return and Illumina's name is spread, he hopes Fruit will come and find him, even if they have to meet in the middle.

Throughout the terror and pain, they push through. From the nights they got separated, Purpled clinging to Ran and assuring the dragon hybrid Illumina will find them, fighting off zombies when Ran couldn't stand straight to hold a sword. The relief when Illumina scoops them both into his arms and holds then tighter than before.

With hunters hot on their tail they can't afford to stop and it takes four months itself to reach the borders between the Arctic Empire and whatever land they found themselves in.

Ran's wings have grown in, one a dark, scaley black with brilliant green in the folds between each bone. The other is a is white and reminds Illumina of a jellyfish, bits and tassles hanging from the wing giving it a much more fragile, paper thin appearance. Both are incredibly strong, despite their looks, and it's often the intimidation factor the two wings bring that gets them out of sticky situations.

A year has passed since they've been held in captivity, Illumina now seventeen and the boys twelve.

Illumina buys the cheapest tickets to the Empire, having to hold Ran's hand to keep him from teleporting ahead in excitement. He cries multiple times, the feeling of finally being free and so close to home hitting him like a truck. Illumina sees the excitement on Purpleds face, knowing after Ran he gets his family too.

They arrive on the island and immediately Ranboo is dragging them the way to the inner walls. Claiming to know his home like the back of his hand. Passing by a few guards, Purpled asks why they don't just tell the guards they have the prince.

"The guards were the whole reason Ranboo ended up where he was, plus they could try killing us immediately thinking we took Ran. I can't risk putting you two in any more danger." Is the reply he gets.

They teleport to the other side of the walls easily, walking to the other, and teleporting. This repeats for two days till they reach the inner most wall. Techno stands on a platform in the town center, his expression showing no emotion and stance as proper as ever. Just watching him stand so straight makes Illumina's back ache.

Ranboo sobs on the spot and before he can call for his father and rush forward a hand is placed on Illumina's shoulder with a harsh grip.

The guard asks who they are, saying they most definitely are not meant to be there, and within that moment a rage so heavy it hits Illumina like a tidal wave.

A year of torture and pain, months of walking and risking his life to get here and right as he can reach it someone stops him. Illumina barely registers it before the boys jump back screaming and he's pulled his sword out to hit the other man.

He faintly hears cries of "Harvey!" As more people rush towards them. He can only focus on his blade pressing against the man, Harvey's, sword and the deep laughter filling his mind.

"It seems you've finally been broken into." The Blood God thinks aloud.

He yells for Ran to run to his dad who's being ushered of stage, his speech being cut short.

Ran looks between his father who has yet to notice him and then back to Illumina who's risked so much for him. To Purpled, who looks horrified and is trying his hardest to pull back Illumina.

And he chooses them.

Jumping between Illumina and Tapl he unfurls his large wings and yells out with a slightly staticy voice "Stop!"

And it's as if the world has stopped, the Blood God no longer speaking in Illumina's mind, Purpled can sag his shoulders in relief, and all eyes are on them.

He looks into Tapl's heterochromatic eyes and in a voice barely above a whisper says "Stop attacking my family."

Tapl steps back, the other guards step back. All can easily recognize the missing Prince, from the two-toned hair to the sparkling eyes only he possesses.

His name is breathed out and demands attention. Ranboo turns to gaze at his father from across the short distance and it's real.

They meet in the middle and Ran holds his father like a scared child, and Techno allows himself to crumble and cry. He cries for the child thought to be dead, stolen from him by those he trusted. He cries for the year and months he's spent separated from him. They cry together, and tears of pent up pain turn to tears of happiness. His grandfather and uncles appear soon enough, he's wrapped in hugs so tight and a pair of wings so warm he could fall asleep.

Purpled and Illumina and thanked for bringing him back, and all Illumina asks is for them to help them find their homes. A message is sent far and wide of Purpled's reappearance and it takes less than a month for a blonde boy, fresh i to adulthood to come crashing through the castle doors and Purpled to find himself wrapped in his big brothers arms once more.

Punz sobs so loudly it's heard from across the palace, clinging to his baby brother and cradling him like a baby.

You'd think after the royal family just about got on their knees to thank him, Illumina would be used to it and stop being so embarrassed, but something about seeing Purpled light up like he's dreamed of seeing the boy do and finally getting to see with his own two eyes the brother he talked about makes him very thankful for the mask there to hide his flushed cheeks.

Ranboo and Purpled aren't ready to let go, so Punz stays with his brother in the castle for awhile.

Illumina is asked thousands and thousands of questions, where they were taken, how they escaped, etcetera.

He takes Techno aside and confesses the deal he made in return for their freedom. He confesses he has yet to know what he's given up to the Patron and his fears. He confesses that He couldn't bare the thought of young Purpled loosing his hope and being raised in a place like that, Ranboo being hurt worse and worse for bottles of acidic breath.

He apologizes for being selfish and wanting to find his family.

And for the first time in forever, he's being held in the safety of a warm hug. He gets to cry and be comforted, he gets to be weak.

It takes longer, but one day new face appears and after four years he breaths in that ridiculously sweet scent of green apples and sweet fruits that Fruit Berries always had. He hugs his friend once again.

They show the boys their tricks, as Illumina promised. They watch them do stupidly dangerous things that make Phil, Techno, and Wilbur flinch and jump to catch the two seventeen year olds, always groaning in faux annoyance watching them land safely, Phil claiming this'll give him a heart attack and Wilbue and Techno agreeing their stupid (while impressive) actions are gonna be bad influences on their sons. Wilbur calls it quits after they manage to drag Punz in, the mercenary dueling the two of them and trying to see whether strength or agility are better. Purpled is torn between cheering for either family member and just yells words of encouragement a lot.

For once in a long long time, they're safe.

[spookyc]

i'm kind of interesting in your cryptid au - what type of monster is each character?

Glad you asked and I'll be happy to answer! I'll also try to explain why I chose each cryptid for each character.

Alright let's start with our protagonist, Hajime, this one is pretty simple, he is a shapeshifter. This is one is pretty self explanatory, as it's meant to represent Izuru possessing every talent where as here Izuru has the ability to possess the forms of his fellow freakshows. He is one of the most anticipated acts in the freakshow, but constantly transforming his body everyday for the audience does a number on his psyche, eventually bringing Izuru out.

Nagito: As I revealed in an earlier post, was a vampire. I chose this due to his general appearance and also his condition of being sickly. I also chose it to form an interesting dynamic for Nagito. See, as a vampire, Nagito needs to drink blood but a vampire's powers increase when they are hungry, so hope's peak intentionally starves him for his shows. So, nagito grows more unhinged from starvation, and starts thinking of feeding off the freakshows. But he still has his hope complex and worships the freakshows. So he's caught in a struggle of his body and his will.

Chiaki: Now she isn't exactly a cryptid but I like what I decided for her. So she's a TV head, which I chose due to her gaming fixation but also because she was an AI, which is sort of the same here, albeit more of a kiibo situation where she is an AI in a physical body. Her shows aren't as elaborate as the others, mostly consisting of her showing emotions through the swapping of channels and playing videos games in her mind which is portrayed on her TV screen. She doesn't have as severe issues as some of the others but she faces her own problems as an AI among humans.

Ultimate Imposter: Simple enough, he's a doppelganger. This is of course referring to him being the ultimate imposter, the only real change being that his true form is that of a gray amorphous blob. His shows consist of him copying the other freakshows, though it differs from Hajime tho, as UI can only morph into people and is restricted to morphing into those he knows whereas Hajime can shapeshift into anything, even things he has not seen.

Teruteru: So, quite an odd choice, but one I'm quite pleased with. So Teruteru is a basan, or a japanese fire-breathing chicken. As for a human form, he doesn't have one, he's just a fire-breathing chicken who's a great cook, the jokes make themselves. He's still a perve but less so simply due to most of the forms the freakshows take, only really having his eye on Peko and Sonia who are both very capable of killing him with a single strike so he keeps his cards to his chest as it were. His acts of course consist of feats of fire breathing and dual acts with akane.

Peko, my beloved: So Peko is a gorgon, in the sense that she has the bottom half of a snake. I chose this because Peko reminds of a snake in the best way possible. She's fierce and mysterious with piercing eyes that cut through your soul. As for abilities, she does possess the stone vision of gorgons, but she can control when she uses it, and she doesn't like having to use it. Just because she doesn't use her stone vision doesn't mean she should be underestimated tho, she still is a pro swordswoman and is arguably more adept than she would have been with legs. She has a dual act with Fuyuhiko, more specifically an arena type duel. Of course they don't fight to the death but any injury they sustain is fair game. Peko of course always objects to this but pushing hope's peaks buttons risks detainment for a freakshow, ultimately, she doesn't have a choice.

Mahiru: Okay so, she was really hard but I decided on making her a nymph. This is because I imagined that being able to blend with nature would be able to help capture people in their most natural state, in regards to her photography of course. Her acts are also not the most eventful, just her blending with different natural surroundings. That's honestly about it, wish I had more but Mahiru has always been a blank slate for me.

Ibuki: Ibuki! So, ibuki is a Siren, this is pretty obvious, as I chose this due to her being the ultimate musician. However, I do have an interesting dynamic with her and her ability. So, since sirens usually have melodious voices and show their victims what they desire most, I wanted to flip that on its head. So, since Ibuki doesn't exactly have a melodious voice, (a great voice, yes but not melodious nonetheless) her power doesn't show those what they desire but instead their deepest fears. This causes Ibuki to hide her singing, excluding her acts, and to grow self-conscious of her aspiration for music. Her acts consist mostly of water tricks and of course her singing, which audience members say they get a thrill and a since of comfort being able to face their deepest fear. Ibuki thinks differently, wanting her music to encourage and inspire people rather than send fear through them. And that is her central conflict throughout this au, which I'll end off here for sake of brevity.

Hiyoko: Pretty pleased with what I decided for her. So Hiyoko is a kitsune, I chose this because of her noble lineage and I think the kitsune is a pretty noble animal, despite having some cursed elements. She was still forced into the whole dancing thing, which she mixes between her human and fox form. But, her mischievous nature fits that of the kitsune as she's still her normal abrasive self. She tries staying out of her fox form as much as possible as it reminds her of her lineage that she hates but she of course has to transform into it for her acts. These consist of fire tricks as well as a showcase of mastery swapping between forms.

Mikan: Alright so Mikan's is kinda wild but stay with me. So Mikan is a lich and here's why. So I chose this for her because I know I wanted her to be undead, because she would constantly have to patch herself up. Decided on a lich to give an air to her that something isn't quite right, that she holds more power that she let's on and simply doesn't express it. Also I have some extremely dark reasons as to how she became a lich but I won't get into that here for brevity's sake.

Nekomaru: So Nekomaru's pretty fun, he's a minotaur mainly just because I think it fits him, and he definitely gives off jovial bull vibes. Despite his appearance he still has his joyful personality and still takes pride in his talent of team leader. His acts consist of feats of strength primarily, nothing much besides that.

Gundham: So Gundman is an imp, because he definitely deserves to be a demon but he's gonna be the lowest demon there is. Cause I still want to emphasize his whole "overlord complex" despite him just being an imp. He does still have his hamsters and he takes very good care of them, the four dark devas live a fulfilling life even if their master doesn't. Gundham can perform some lesser demon abilities like changing his appearance, in terms of pigment, small fire control, and flight. Of which he showcases in his acts. Even tho he's just an mere imp he is the Supreme Overlord of Ice and he will not accept any other titles.

Fuyuhiko: Finally! We have arrived at the boy, Fuyuhiko. So, Fuyuhiko is a werewolf, because he's an angsty boy and because I like werewolves. The story plays out much the same way as before, though Peko was assigned not just to protect Fuyuhiko but also to protect him from himself. His acts consist of arena battles with Peko, of which he always intentionally loses. He's able to transform each day to a drug they inject in him before every match that forces a transformation. These drugs make him agitated and irritable, more so than usual and also causes him extreme mood swings. Even if sometimes he wishes he could be detained, he stays for Peko. He knows she wouldn't forgive herself if he was taken away, regardless of her involvement, so he stays in this condition. It isn't all bad tho, spending time with Peko outside of the area isn't so bad. He also is often found hanging out with Kazuichi, who Fuyuhiko refers to as a "fucking moron" and yet still hangs out with him most days. They've formed an unlikely friendship that the two cherish even if Fuyuhiko won't admit it. He also has a pretty good relationship with Ibuki, her being Peko's girlfriend and all.

Kazuichi: Okay, Kazuichi, so Kazuichi is a gargoyle and man how I got there is a story. So I wanted Kazuichi to be something constructed, something manmade in a way so that he could rebuild himself as well as other things. So orginally he was a golem but I just couldn't vibe with that so I ended up settling with a gargoyle. I do think it fits him in a way, not sure how, but it suits him imo. So he's got the standard gargoyle abilities, he's got wings and can fly and can also change into his stone form at will. He prefers to sleep in this form, and he often turns into this form when scared which is often. His acts consist flying around the stage and testing the endurance of his stone skin. He also has a close relationship with Fuyuhiko and of course Sonia, though he doesn't see her as often as he would like.

Sonia: So, Sonia's is very different but I really like it. So she is a basilisk, not the serpent one but the more giant chicken with a serpent tail. Her cryptid form is one that affects her in and out of her form, and both are just as deadly. So since she's a basilisk, she has lethal vision and this is active in and out of her form. So she walks around with a blindfold on, and she has yet to see any of the her fellow freakshow's faces. She also is kept within her enclosure at almost all times, she's only let out about twice a day and these outings don't last long. In her basilisk form she easily stands 20-feet tall, with a wingspan of 25 feet, her feets are huge and equipped with deadly talons. From her beak she leaks venom that is capable of causing a limb to be amputated with a single drop. Not as lethal as her vision, but enough would easily be able to cause death. She doesn't perform, merely has visitors come and visit her in her basilisk form. She's very lonely, wishing with every part of her that she wasn't cursed with her form, but she does appreciate the visitors she gets. Chiaki and Akane often come to visit her, Kazuichi also comes by often, Fuyuhiko having to drag him off when he's overstayed his welcome. She holds on to her friendships, as it's all she really has.

Lastly we have Akane, so I decided on making Akane a dragon. For one dragons are known to have a voracious appetite, and two, Nekomaru in the main story talks about Akane having untapped potential, which I think would fit her as a dragon. Yeah, so contrary to Hiyoko, Akane primarily stays in her dragon form, even when just walking around the freakshow traveling caravan. She's not a huge dragon as she still isn't fully grown, so she's only slightly bigger than the average person. This is partially her just preferring her dragon form, (doesn't have to wear clothes, can fly, can eat more), but it's also because if she's a dragon no one can objectify her. She doesn't have to deal with the male gaze if she's a dragon and she quite likes it that way. Her acts consist of typical dragon shit, flying, feats of strength and a dual act with teruteru for fire breathing, (she can't breathe fire herself so she places teruteru in her mouth like a mama croc does with her babies and he does all the work. Before you say anything, teruteru actually doesn't get any perseve enjoyment out of this, or at least he doesn't anymore, just gets an excuse to take a bath).

And that's about it! Had a lot of fun coming up with these guys and I do have a story in mind for them if you'd like to hear. I also will answer that ask about the talentswap, I know it's been a while and I apologize for that but I have an excuse to work on it now so I'll get to that. Thanks for the ask!

[beautifulterriblequeen]

I wonder if Harrow has often regretted to have killed Thunder and let Viren kills the baby dragon (as much he knows, Viren destroyed the egg,right?) Because when he learns about assassins coming to him, he's not really surprised, more sad and resigned. Maybe he's aware that it's his own fault : killing the golem to help people was a thing (and they have dealt with consequences) but killing the dragon by revenge was pointless and a thing that his wife wouldn't have wanted. what do you think?

Harrow seems a very thoughtful king, taking his rule and his directive to be a fair and just leader with deliberation and seriousness. I think he does a lot of thinking. I bet he always has, but when Sarai was alive, he probably said more of it out loud. I get the feeling that Viren has often tried to turn any "weakness" in Harrow's conversations, aka if he's mulling over a difficult problem or asking for advice, into an opportunity to guide the king to a result of his own preference.

I'm sure most of the time their goals have aligned, because they both want a stable kingdom. But as Viren's soul deteriorates over the years, and his empathy gets poisoned by his long term use of dark magic, I think he starts to care less about following Harrow and more about subtly managing him.

And on some level, I think Harrow senses this. He has a habit of keeping his troubling feelings under wraps until they burst out all at once, so I bet he never really discussed this with anyone, Viren included. He knew his friend would take it very personally to be questioned and doubted like that. Viren seems like he's always had a soul that's sensitive to critique, and at heart he just longs to be valued and accepted. Also, who would Harrow trust more than Viren, to talk to about it? Opeli? I don't think so. The two advisors could cause chaos with the king's private opinion let loose in the high council.

did I ramble, yes I did

So I think that Harrow has very quietly been taking retrospective notes on how his rulership is progressing - or digressing - with Viren's guidance, and he probably doesn't look directly at it very often. But when things come to a head between these two men early in S1, it seems clear that Harrow instantly has years of issues jump to his mind, and his temper flares when he realizes that Viren's gonna Viren, again.

I get the feeling that the things Viren has apparently helped him do for his people over the years have been pragmatic options which Viren has always described in the best light. And he's probably not wrong about the benefits of his plans, either. Viren's a smart guy! But big weighty decisions that involve people's futures and safety and livelihoods often have at least two sides to consider, and for every decision where Viren spun one option positively, there was another side where other things were never chosen. And I bet those options had positive aspects sometimes, too.

As a thoughtful king, Harrow must've wondered sometimes how different things would've been if he had done things with Viren less firmly in his guiding path. I bet those angsty thoughts built up over the years, just naturally as they do, but I bet there were just a few more than usual due to Viren's deterioration and the harder choices he nudged Harrow toward.

And emotionally manipulating a widower to seek revenge after nine years, when he had already accepted his sad reality? Yikes, Viren. Harrow did still hate Avizandum, but after that long, he'd contented himself with ruling his kingdom and raising his boys. He'd probably have lived his life just fine if Viren had never told him about the unicorn horn. Harrow got lost in his angry dark feels and agreed to the plan, but he didn't endanger anyone else: only he and Viren went to Xadia. And then, in a moment of weakness and emotion and pain, he agreed to Viren's egg-stabbing plan.

And then they escaped home, and Harrow started holding his breath, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

He knows there's a cycle. He tried to break it with Sarai when he talked about Lady Justice and seeing everyone equally, but he couldn't escape then, and he only sank further into its grip over time. He isn't surprised when Moonshadow assassins come for him, because that's how the cycle works.

I think, in the end, the only thing Harrow was blindfolding himself from was the truth of how he got off course as a king, one little step at a time. He didn't want to admit that he'd sauntered vaguely downward, so he couldn't admit that Viren had been leading him deeper and deeper into the cycle until a threat arose that told Harrow he'd truly infuriated Xadia this time: Moonshadow assassins, sent to take out the worst threats in the human lands.

They had never come for him before. Viren and Harrow probably both felt comfortable in their gray area. Oh, human assassins, sure, but hey, at least the Moonshadow assassins aren't getting involved. We're fine over here, nothing to get too worried about, live and let live, amirite?

Until that day, when Harrow came face to face with a new and terrible threat, and something about it told him, deep down, that his gray area wasn't as gray as he thought it was.

It's a big point in Harrow's favor that he basically agrees with the assassins: he has done terrible things, and he expects to pay the price for them. He stops excusing himself and sees the truth of his decisions for what they are.

He knew, deep down he knew. Just like Callum, when he couldn't admit to himself that Harrow was dead. But life moved on, and other decisions were pressing, and he could ignore the truth and keep his eyes on the future for a little while longer. Until he couldn't.

How can you change your path to ruin when every little step you take feels like the right one? It's hard. Harrow couldn't manage it. Viren's having the same struggle with his path, and so is Runaan. Perspective is hard. You have to choose to embrace a different one than you had, and you have to stare truth in the face and not blink. It's gonna hurt. People don't like hurting. But growth comes from stretching new muscles. It's not a bad thing. It's just very uncomfortable for a while.

I don't know if any of these men will get the opportunity to take new steps and make healthier choices. But I know Sarai would be proud of Harrow if he ever did.

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

As an alternative 😊

Bottled Emotions

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Paring: Lizzie Saltzman x Male!Reader

Word count: 1499 (Ya'll don't know how hard it was to keep this under 1.5 K!)

Warnings: Teenage love drama, but that's it in this one.

Author's note: So I'm gonna kill two birds with one stone on this one. This was a part of my 1500 follower celebration drabble challenge that is completely late, but finally done. I used mostly the words from the gif and the fact that it is Lizzie. But besides that I changed everything and went with it. And I'm gonna use this one for @hellotvshowtrash #happy2021promptchallenge. I honestly felt that the prompt fit well for this one and I wasn't going to miss out on the opportunity to use it. Also! This is my first time writing for Lizzie! As well as the first time I'm putting out a male insert. So feedback would be great! Thanks!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things!

Broken glass littered the floor of the Kitchen. Pots and pans had been tossed about out of anger. Wooden spoons had been broken in half with the sharp ends embedded into the walls and shelves around the kitchen. Magic being used to take items from the shelves that they belonged on and sending them in different directions.

Lizzie had been holding her emotions in a tightly closed bottle until they had been shaken up, causing the lid to burst. The anger she felt had been finally released through magic. The mess that currently surrounded her had been a release. One she had desperately needed.

The pain of her childhood best friend turning his back on her. The trust she had felt towards him was shattered. The love and care she felt towards him were clouded by the anger and frustration she felt. Her heart hurt in ways she never thought she’d understand.

He had left in her time of need when he had made every promise to be there by her side. At first, he had been gone a few days and she believed he’d be back. Lizzie must have called Y/N a million times over the course of the last month. Her mindset was breaking and she needed his calming words to ease her. But he never answered. Those few days soon turned into a month.

Locator spells hadn’t worked, meaning the witch had blocked himself from being found. She refused to believe that he would just cut her off like that. Not when they had been so close. Not when he was someone she went to besides her sister.

What finally broke her was when Y/N returned to the school, he hadn’t gone in search of her. And when Lizzie’s eyes landed on him, Y/N had been with another crowd of witches. One’s that Lizzie didn’t particularly like.

It was when their eyes met, that Y/N could see the hurt in Lizzie’s eyes. And the moment it had, Lizzie took off in the direction of the kitchen, not wanting to even get answers from Y/N. She needed an outlet and she was going to get it.

When Y/N finally made his way over to the kitchen, the sounds of glass breaking and even the sounds of pots and pans clattering hadn’t phased him. Even when he stepped into view of Lizzie, he wasn’t the slightest bit surprised. If anything, guilt flooded through him.

Just as the last few items in Lizzie’s way had been tossed about the room, her eyes landed on Y/N. Her lip trembled as she watched him walk over to the counter farthest from her and placed his hands on it. She watched as his eyes took in the aftermath of her break down and not for a single moment did she feel bad about it.

“You’re-” He had begun to say.

“I already know I’m crazy, okay?” Lizzie said cutting Y/N off as she turned away from him and ran her hand through her blonde locks. “You don’t have to say anything. You ignoring me for the last month or so says it all.”

A slight frown formed on Y/N’s lips at her words. Taking a step around the counter, he could hear the crunch of glass beneath his feet. “I wasn’t going to say that you were crazy.” He said as he watched her movements. “I was going to say that you’re hurt. And I’m pretty sure it has to do with me leaving.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Lizzie moved her hand up to her cheek to wipe away the set of tears that were running down her face. “Your message was loud and clear, Y/N. You don’t want anything to do with me. So why are you here?”

“I know it seemed that way, but I’m sure you know that wasn’t the case.” He tried to explain. Y/N knew how bad this looked. He took off without telling his best friend where he was going. And when he left her messages and calls unanswered, he could already see what was going through the witch’s mind.

That was his gift, an invasive one at that. The closer Y/N had become with someone, the more he became in tune with their thoughts. While he had never purposefully used it to get into his friends minds, there were always those moments that it happened accidentally. A simple thought of his own could easily link his mind to another without them ever knowing. And the last time he had done so, it led to Lizzie revealing a lot of thoughts that he was never meant to hear.

“Then please do explain what it was.” She asked as she took a few steps closer to him. “What made you want to run as far away as you could from me that you felt the need to shut me out?”

He ran his hand along the back of his neck, trying to find the right way to tell her. To tell her that he had heard everything he wasn’t supposed to. That he left because he believed it was what she wanted in the first place. That he did it to give her the space she wanted and needed.

“You wanted me to leave.” He said after a moment. “I hadn’t meant to, but your thoughts were pretty clear that you wanted me gone from the school. From my understanding it was that you hated me enough that you’d rather deal with a golem than see my face around.”

He watched as confusion formed on her face for a moment before realization had set in. Her head hung for a moment as she tried to process her thoughts. It made sense as to why Y/N had left so suddenly. She had been angry with him and her train of thoughts went haywire in the process.

“I was angry.” She said with a shake of her head. “I didn’t expect to feel that way with you of all people and I was just-” She cut herself off trying to collect herself. Lizzie had been angry with him for plenty of reasons. But she had thought she hated him for other reasons than a stupid fight they had. “I never hated you,” She said after a moment passed. “you just make me feel things that I don’t understand. And then I saw you talking with the she-devil and I just needed a reason to hate you to stop myself from hurting.”

“And now look where that’s gotten us.” He shook his head as he kept his eyes on her. Her eyes met his at that moment and it wasn’t hard to see the hurt that was clear in each others’. “You could have just talked to me. I get that it was never something I was supposed to know. But it felt like an overheard conversation that I just couldn’t ignore. I even went to talk to you about it, but you couldn’t even look at me. So I knew it wasn’t worth it to stick around.”

“But you came back.” She noted, her words hopeful. “There must have been something that made you do that.”

He nodded his head and finally pulled his eyes away from her. “Your dad asked for a favor from my parents. I agreed to come back with them to help. Once we are done, we’re headed back home.”

The hope that Lizzie had felt moments before had diminished instantly at his words. While there was finality in his voice, she hoped that maybe she could change his mind. “Stay, even after your parents leave.”

Y/N would have instantly agreed any other time. He felt deeply for the girl that stood before him. But the hurt he felt at her thoughts had hurt him in a way that Y/N had never been hurt before, especially coming from her.

“We’re here for a month.” He began. “Maybe by then you can get those feelings of yours sorted. But I won’t be one of those guys, Lizzie.” He said watching her reactions. “There’s only so much I can take before it’s enough.”

Lizzie went to take a step closer to him, her mouth opened to say something, but he raised his hand and shook his head. He wanted her to really think about it. Not to just say what she believed he wanted to hear. And if it wasn’t for that ability of his, that’s exactly what she would have done. She was still unsure of a few things and he knew that.

"Really think about it." He said as he began taking a few steps back before turning to leave.

Lizzie stood there and watched him leave, her lips trembling knowing that if she didn’t get the mess within her head sorted, she was going to lose the only other person that had been by her side for the longest.

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[iconfusionwastaken]

🧁 BadBoyHalo reborn as a demon antagonist AU 🧁

This AU is part of the DSMP Reborn as a “villain” AU multiverse, the link shows the masterpost which explains the AUs & has the index for more AUs that I posted.

If an AU has no link attached, it's coming soon.

Holy crap I went hard for the angst on this one.

CWs for:

Non-consensual body modification (cause of the Egg), Parasites (because Egg), Loss of a limb (Not Egg's fault surprisingly), & Derealization in a paragraph

Let me know if I need to add any other CW or anything else.

--------------------

As a child Bad wakes up 1 day to learn that in his 1st life, he played a video game/read 2 novels where his current life, became 1 of the Demon Lords who willingly worshipped/was possessed by the Egg & worked for it. In fact OG him is the Egg's future 2nd in command & poses as the leader of the empire dedicated to it, & he was killed/defeated late in the story.

(Up to you if it's a game or novel, w/ a game maybe there's multiple routes/choices meaning multiple endings while w/ a novel, in canon the Demon Lords were all killed while in a spin-off they were just defeated not killed or maybe it's the other way around w/ the novels, or maybe it's a single novel w/ a mix of some Demon Lords dying while some survive.)

It was pretty ambiguous if some of the Demon Lords were wholy possessed or willingly worshiped the Egg w/o possession, or a mixture of the 2.

(If we want to we can have this world be the same world where Techno is reincarnated as Billiam, because then they could discover they're in the same boat & bond over it but I'm making those worlds/time periods seperate for this post.)

The Demon Lords & the Egg formed the Eggpire. 1 by 1 in the story they are killed/defeated by Puffy, Sam, &/or Technoblade, the protagonists. If the Demon Lords weren't killed they were defeated at a terrible cost for themselves & others.

Bad won't accept being a villain, or being killed or worshipping/being possessed by the Egg.

The good thing is that he remembered this before the Egg has enough power to get him & the other future Demon Lords under it, so he has time to plan. Actually Bad has a few decades to prepare!

On the off chance that the Egg possessed the lords, he wants to find the future Demon Lords & other major charaters so as to prevent that.

In the original story, Puffy & Sam are demons who betray the Eggpire which they help found early after it's formation due to realizing the Egg is bad. They flee, & later form 'Pro-Omelette' in opposition of it, w/ Technoblade joining their cause at some point in the story after OG Bad & the Egg fails to recruit him.

Unfortunatly, while fleeing, Puffy & Sam fail to do some things/do some things which they regret then & in the future that also has major consequences as they feared.

Another close ally is Hannah, a dryad/nymph who aids them w/ her powers. At some point the Eggpire captures her meaning she has to be saved & after that as the story progresses Sam, Puffy & maybe even Technoblade if he's also a demon starts feeling a strange kinship & repulsion towards & against her.

There's also the starborne mercenary Purpled who isn't willing to work w/ the Eggpire due to them taking his big sibling figure.

(Starborne means the starborne origins from the Origins mods for Minecraft).

Everyone has their own motifs, Puffy the sheep demon pirate has pirate & sheep motifs. Sam the creeper demon redstoner has a redstone motif. Techno has a pig motif. Purpled's motifs are stars, galaxy patterns & just anything to do w/ space.

Ponk, the chicken demon w/ a lemon (tree) & chicken motif is Sam's ex who was heartbroken by his sudden disappearance. He joined the very Eggpire Sam betrayed & had his heartbreak used to harden his resolve for the Egg's desires.

He is the 1st Demon Lord to be killed/defeated. If defeated he's turned against the Egg w/ the power of love leading to Sam & Ponk making up, maybe they never go back to dating or Ponk's ability to love was taken away by the Egg after he goes against it.

Maybe early in the fight Sam is holding back his emotions, cuts of Ponk's arm which leads to Ponk's reaction snapping Sam out of it & then Sam has to convince Ponk he geniunely loves him & regrets leaving him the rest of the fight, just angst.

(Sam saving Ponk from the Eggpire w/ the power of love only for Ponk losing the ability to love after betraying the Eggpire, oh yeah the angst).

If Ponk is killed, well Sam is extra vulnerable to the Egg's influence & risks getting brainwashes by it while carries the guilt of killing his lover w/o reconciling.

Maybe Ponk isn't killed but Sam's tunnel vision to defeat him causes Ponk to die of broken heart syndrome (maybe induced by the Egg?) oof & Sam regrets not contacting Ponk after escaping the Eggpire & forming Pro-Omelette & is extra vulnerable to the Egg.

Also there's these these flowers called Carnations that have different meanings depending on color, maybe the 2 have a shared magical carnation flower that Sam ends up taking w/ him while fleeing from the Egg, so the dark red flower (love & affection) becomes almost fully yellow (disapointment & rejection) which makes Sam truly realize the extent of what he's done by leaving Ponk w/o like a note on what's going on.

Maybe to Sam's horror the flower sometimes flashes to being striped (regret love can't be shared) before going back to being yellow w/ a tiny bit of dark red some where.

During the battle, if Sam manages to convince Ponk to defect from the Egg, the flower flashes fully dark red but then the Egg take Ponk's ability to love. This takes away Ponk's connection to the flower making it half dead & the flower permanently is striped.

If we go the route of Ponk's death, the flower doesn't flash dark red at all, it goes from yellow to striped when Ponk dies, disconnecting his magic to the flower making the flower half dead.

Punz is next to go, they are a human mercenary turned into a demon after joining the Eggpire be it because of possession or there being promising gains of wealth from joining the Eggpire. He has a wealth motif.

Since Punz was turned by the Egg, he has Blood Vine's for horns & said vines for a tail.

Punz fights his own brother & talks about how the money is worth more than Purpled, how they don't love Purpled, etc., which Purpled refuses to believe is true.

Punz either dies (meaning a grieving Purpled for the rest of the story vulnerable to the Egg) or ends up in a coma (extra angsty if Purpled thinks he it himself).

Purpled is scared for his big sibling's health, will they be okay when the Egg dies? Well, after the Egg's defeat Punz wakes up some point afterwards but his health is awful, said awful health will last a long time & they can never do mercenary work again, both he & Purpled are distraught by this.

Punz's demon features are especially sickly & act like a parasite for a while before just dying. Punz basically didn't/couldn't have his connection to the Egg & his new demonhood removed, now he's here w/ maybe chronic fatigue because the Egg seriously fucks people over even in death.

Skeppy, a blue-turned-red diamond golem-turned-demon, goes down after Punz's defeat. Skeppy has a gem motif, & in the past made a purely proffesional deal w/ OG Bad, while OG Bad would forfeit his immortality to make Skeppy harder for death to claim, & as a result became a demon, Skeppy would provide OG Bad w/, let's say 1/2 of the gems & riches he owned.

Remember that if Skeppy dies, Bad dies but Bad can't die w/o Skeppy dying 1st.

Skeppy basically helps fund the Eggpire. When the Egg decides to give Skeppy some demon stuff itself, Skeppy not only is made of red diamonds now, but his body is cracked if not before & there are roots & flowers sticking out of said cracks.

Skeppy joins the Eggpire because of possession &/or promises of an even longer life through a connection w/ 2 demons.

After his defeat, the Eggpire is more desperate than ever due to losing a big funder, putting effort into getting Skeppy back. The vines also act parasitic after the Egg's fall before dying but not w/o Skeppy's mind & body being damaged by the vines.

If Skeppy is killed then OG Bad's connection to the Egg is the only thing keeping him alive if barely meaning Bad's easier to kill & the Eggpire more desperate than in the route Skeppy lives.

Antfrost, the demon w/ a cat, ant & ice motifs, the '2nd in command' of the Eggpire to the everyone. Only alone w/ the Egg & OG Bad is he called the 3rd in command since that's what he truly was.

If Ant is killed/defeated, OG Bad has to deal w/ getting a new “2nd” in command, this time keeping her in the shadows so as to keep her from being taken on by Pro-Omelette. Security is tightened as much as it can be.

The Eggpire becomes even more stressed if Ant is defeated & is w/ Pro-Omelette 1 way or another because Ant knows a lot of stuff they'd rather never get out.

If Ant's defeated & a prisoner of the protagonists, maybe they get some info from him but soon he is released by a traitor but as he escapes he winds up stranded somewhere in a place that won't be kind to him unaware of how to get back to the Eggpire. Perhaps for the rest of the story.

At this point Pro-Omelette also tighten security since they have a traitor in their ranks.

Althought Hannah is acting suspicious, she isn't like vanishing at random times or acting that off so they can't exactly suspect her. She's got sick this once & has been pretty unwell but who can blame her? So many of her flowers got destroyed & leeched off of in Ant's escape.

The demons of Pro-Omelette are feeling a strange repulsion against her but also a strange kinship towards her.

If Skeppy is dead, Bad when being confronted by the enemy instantly is sapped of all his power & life left since the Egg realizes it's about to loose him. Or his connection to the Egg is severed by Pro-Omellete before it can happen leading to him naturally dying.

If Skeppy isn't dead however, Bad is captured but not w/o the Egg taking all the power it can from him severely weakening him on a level of power & health.

OG Bad was a very powerful demon & so if Skeppy lives, the Egg gets a major power boost before his capture, but in the route of Skeppy's death, the Egg doesn't get that much since it had to keep Bad from dying.

After Bad is down, Hannah goes missing again & there are 2 groups, 1 to find Hannah & the other to take down the Egg once & for all.

Either 1 or both groups find the Egg & to their horror they find out since Hannah's 1st capture the Egg brainwashed her, has been leaching off of her & replaced the flowers she wears w/ it's vines.

The Egg holds Hannah's life over them. If the Egg took the power of OG Bad in the route Skeppy lives it's much for difficult to try & defeat the Egg & save Hannah.

Also the Egg turned Hannah into a demon that has the power to grow vines & flowers. She's powerful but even more if Skeppy lives.

Egged!Hannah does a number on Pro-Omelette. She goes as far as to maim, kill controlling the vines & worm parasitic plants in people. The Egg has these powers too.

There are 4 directions at this point.

     Pro-Omelette succesfully kills the Egg while getting Hannah out of it's grasp in the process, of course there's the parasitic plants & other damage done to the protagonists' side as well as Hannah who's health is super fucked liked many in the final battle (it's kinda like what happens to Punz if he lives).      Like Hannah who was turned into some egg-demon who's egg-demon parts act like parasites & others w/ the parasitic plants in them have to deal w/ the plants till said parasites die & even then there's the stuff to deal /w the parasites deaths.

     Hannah is killed by the Egg sapping everything from her & fighting w/ all it's new might but still killed. The damage done to everyone else is significantly worse.      I'm not even accounting for the background characters brainwashed, genuinly worshipping the Egg dealing w/ the fall of the Egg, the aftermath, etc.

     The Egg & Egged!Hannah win, some Pro-Omelette members in battle are killed while the rest are captured to be egged.

     Hannah dies to the Egg sapping everything from her & the Egg wins w/ it's rejuvenated power. Many Pro-Omelette members in battle are killed while the rest are captured to be egged.      Basically 3 & 4 are the bad endings, while 1 & 2 are the 'good endings.'

As I said before, there's so much I'm not considering. I can't bring myself to further work on the canon of the game/novel(s) Bad played before being isekaied.

But yeah the game/novels were full of angst & Bad was super into it so he wants to give everyone (especially his favorite character(s)) a happy ending.

People around Bad notice he's changed his behavior but lets say it's not enough to warrant any investigation.

Bad starts studying defensive magic since he doesn't want to die, he also learns all he can about summoning, deals w/ summoners, etc.. While he's at it he's tracking down all the major characters & is going to make sure they know what he's learned to prevent any possession.

When Bad finds the major characters, he becomes close friends to them but he's still nervous at the idea that the people he's befriending like Sam, Puffy & co. will kill/maim him.

Or we could have it so that Bad becomes cofortable w/ his friends & confessed about having a past life & all the knowledge of future events he has. You're choice.

When Skeppy summons him & he makes the deal w/ Skeppy he makes sure to hang around his #1 favorite character because, in his 1st life Bad loved Skeppy's character & now he has the chance to geniunely know & become friends w/ Skeppy. Skeppy even warms up to Bad & geniunely begins seeing him a a friend!

Uh, I didn't exactly develop the world much, oops, let's say that Bad is born into a high enough position to change the living conditions of those of lower class of those around him.

Bad out of fear of the Egg makes sure as many people as possible have the common sense to not do anything stupid, has the knowledge & defense to not get possessed, & more, regardless of whatever barriers are in his way.

Since the Egg makes promises, he makes sure to nip that bud as much as he can, such as making sure that even in death, loved ones can communicate via like necromancy/something else, everybody has their needs met, prejudices are squashed as much as possible, etc.

Bad, while earning the ire of many who liked things the way they were, also earns the support of those who benifited from his actions. He also actually listens to what people are saying because he can't let the Egg have any chances.

The main cast of the game/novel(s) Bad read also help out, even more if Bad confessess about his past life.

(The next paragraph has some derealization, said section of derealization being in bold.)

If we want angst, we could have Bad (& co. if they know?) overworking themselves sometimes because the Egg can't have any chances, maybe sometimes he (& others) can't go to bed because he/she/they are terrified of the Egg, terrified of it, worried about the Egg already being here, worried about the Egg already somehow possibly controlling & possessing them & already being possessed, sometimes wondering if their own mind & eyes can be trusted—

On the bright side we can hopefully have some comfort & fluff after that angst & hurt.

Also there's this 1 guy also helping Bad out as much as the main cast called Karl, he disappears at random times but by the looks of it, he isn't connected to the Egg in any way & is really helpful so there's not much to worry about.